D E S I R E

GOODBYE BLOGGER...

2007-10-01T22:21:00.000-05:00

Its been two and a half years that I've blogged here..and its been fun..but I guess its time to move now...i have decided to stop blogging at blogger and start blogging at Wordpress. And I am happy that I got an ID close to what I really wanted when I started blogging here. (life always like that, isnt it?? Its always close...but never really what you exactly want...).

So Adios Amigos...you can find me from now on Dilsere.

Current Mood: Nostalgic and Happy
Current Song: Dil se
Bandhan hai rishto ke..kaato ki taare hai..
pathhar ke darwaze deewarein....

ONE DAY

2007-09-19T09:17:00.000-05:00

Read this on a walkway on the quad while I was walking to office today...

"One day can make your life.. One day can ruin your life. Life is just a couple of big days that change everything..."

SO TRUE!

*******
Current Mood: Happy....
Current Song: 'Bhor' by 'Indian Ocean'. Mesmerizing.

SWAMI

2007-08-12T11:20:00.000-05:00

I guess after about 10-15 years, I watched an episode of Malgudi Days today... the one with Swami...and I enjoyed it thoroughly.... in the first 5 minutes I could understand why my uncle used to call me Swami (he still does sometimes ).... it really felt amazing..i could just recount my childhood days...cricket with friends, ghost stories, the wish to become a hero to prove to the grown ups that you are good and still fear sleeping alone in a separate room with the lights turned off!!

Aah..the childhood days.... :)

Current Mood: Happy and nostalgic..
Current Song: 'Sapnay' by 'Silk Route'...

BORED...

2007-07-28T22:32:00.000-05:00

में बहुत ज्यादा बोर हो चुक हूँ... कृप्या मेरे सीर पर कोई हथोडा मार दो... शायद यह बोरियत चली जाये...

इतना बोर तो में :
इंजीनियरिंग मैकैनिक्स के लेक्चर...
करन जोहर कि पिक्चर..
कान्शी राम और मायावती के जगडे..
एकता कपूर कि सेरिअलो के लफ़डे...
हिमेश के गानों...
मल्लिका शेरावत के कारनामों...
बुश कि स्पीचेस के पौसेस...
सोफ्टवेयर के EULA क्लौसेस
धर्मेश दर्शन कि धड़कन...
और मक्दोनाल्ड्स के मेक्चीकन...

से भीं नही हुआ हूँ ...

बलकी में तो यह कहूँगा की इतना बोर तो में सचीन और आलोक से बात करते हुए भी नही होता हूँ!!

:)

FREAKY NELSON....

2007-07-20T00:50:00.000-05:00

Power of S had in the recent past written a post about Nelson, the supposedly unlucky score of 111 or its multiples on which cricket umpire David Shepherd raises his one leg. And then he told me that I too will get the Nelson curse....I am not sure about the unlucky part but freaky it sure has been since I got the curse because I have been seeing the Nelson number somewhere or the other almost everyday since then..and its almost two weeks now..

1) The clock on my office computer seems to be perpetually at 1:11 pm. Its freaking me out because I am seeing that time of the day almost everyday for the past two weeks...and no, I do not check the time deliberately or subconsciously or whatever...

2) I opened the book I was reading and the page number that showed up was 111

3) The presentation day before yesterday got over exactly at 1:11 pm

4) I was about to sleep and opened my phone to set the alarm..the time was 1:11 am

5) I checked my time while going for lunch - 3:33 pm

6) The day after his curse when I flipped open my phone to call him, it was exactly 1:11 pm.

7) And the nail on the coffin, the event which prompted me to write this post..the number of message in my gmail account at this moment.. 1111 :)

******
Current Mood: Spooky
Current Song: 'Mathey' from the movie 'Morning Raaga'. Excellent Fusion.

EVERY SINGLE SONG THEY PLAYED WAS MAGIC..

2007-07-09T22:12:00.000-05:00

The Police. Wrigley Field. 43000 people. Experience of a Lifetime.

*****
Current Mood: Content
Current Song: 'Every little thing she does is Magic' by 'The Police'...

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on...

MEMORIES

2007-06-21T23:38:00.000-05:00

This sound of raindrops that I can now hear..
takes me back to the first days of school
of the excitement of the new raincoat mummy would buy..
about ba's 'do not let your hair get wet' rule...

the sound of thunder..
makes me think of the occasions..
when I proudly explained to my younger brother..
that Lord Krishna had just hit a six high up there..
and his century was close by..

this intense lightning
takes me back to the moments..
when i would look up in the sky and flash my teeth..
for I was told it was lords way of taking a picture to remember me..

the puddle of water outside..
reminds me of the times of football..
of the warnings of 'no white shirts', of the soiled clothes and the frown on my bai's face..
and of blowing in the water to win the paper boat race..

The dripping water from the roof tops..
takes me back to places..where there were gum boots, dirty buses and earthworms..
old wooden drawers that had buscuit boxes with tightly closed lids..
and sights of one umbrella holding two naughty kids..

as the rain washes the ground right now..
I cannot help but wonder that years have been washed away..so fast..
and how time has taken away the with it my good memories,
only to flash glimpses..to make me sad..
for surely, once upon a time..rainy season was a beautiful thing..

ANGEL SIGHTINGS

2007-06-13T22:09:00.000-05:00

Whoever drew angels in white centuries ago must have had the premonition of Rahman's concert in Chicago last Saturday..the Man was wearing white...but the concert had all the colors that music can conceive...great evening...good crowd, great atmosphere, very good singers and the man himself....though I know how difficult it is to sing live the songs that he has sung himself..I wanted him to sing a couple more of his own songs...especially lukka chuppi, yeh to des hai tera, fanaa, thee thee from thiruda thiruda or even piya haji ali....but oh well...I was more than happy just thinking that I was seeing AR live..I knew I wouldn't mind if he would keep singing for the rest of my life...

This was the second time I saw him live...and I am sure there will be many many many more occasions where I will see him perform...rock on AR!!

*******
Current Mood: Happy and Satisfied
Current Song: 'Dil se re' from my all time favorite movie soundtrack 'Dil se'.

BORN INTO BROTHELS

2007-05-26T19:52:00.000-05:00

Although I had downloaded the documentary Born into Brothels a year ago, I somehow never had a chance to watch it till yesterday..and I am kind speechless since then. I believe that growing up too fast is one of the worst things that can happen to a child...while for these children, there is no so called 'innocence' to begin with..but they are still children..only that they are born to prostitues. The documentary details the efforts of one lady to teach photography to these children and her ultimate efforts to get them out of the hell.. into boarding schools and child care centers...so that they do not end up being a part of the 'line'. Its amazing to hear those children talk about how they see life..raw, honest emotions and how the lady brings out the creative side of each one of them. And how after all her efforts, hopelessness still is the only answer for some of those kids.

This is a must watch. Zana Briski, I salute you. I am your fan.

*****
Current Mood: Sad
Current Song: Rahon pe rehte hain from 'Namkeen' by R.D. Burman.

NO SOCIAL LIFE SYNDROME

2007-05-21T22:53:00.000-05:00

I remember the time about 3 1/2 years ago when I was in Mumbai..I had just given my GRE and was working like a dog at my job just because I had nothing else to do. My friend used to call me each weekend and ask me what I was doing and I would say 'Nothing' and she would laugh and say that I had the "No Social Life" Syndrome..we used to laugh it off each time...but I knew at the back of my mind that she was telling the truth!

I just remembered her this weekend because I feel I am going to suffer from that Syndrome again for the next few months. Summer has just come so the days are long, friends are not around and I am living with just one other roomie who is busy with his thesis, so no roomie talks.. and no playing volleyball either because of the stupid broken finger. But I am still getting a feeling that living alone is not a bad idea after all. I did a lot of trivial but useful things that I would have usually avoided just because I had something or the other nonsense going on all weekend.

1) cooked twice in a day!! ..thats record output for me
2) did my laundry
3) Made tea..after about 3 months..
4) sorted out my box of pennies and dimes..i had about 1000 of them in all..from the teen-patti that we played for the last 3 years!! wikipedia is going to get richer :)
5) left feedback on amazon and ebay.com
6) read 50 pages of Heart of Darkness
7) watched 'The Insider' which i thought was over rated
8) took a nap
9) bid for two items on ebay
10) ironed my clothes..
11) called up my sister who didnt answer her phone at usual
12) checked airline ticket rates to NY..

whew...that was quite a busy day...

******
Current Mood: Adventurous
Current Song: 'Message in a Bottle' by 'The Police'. Haunting.

Walked out this morning, dont believe what I saw
Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Seems Im not alone at being alone
Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home..

CHANGING INTERESTS AND WEIRD QUESTIONS

2007-05-08T22:51:00.000-05:00

In the past few months, I have suddenly discovered my liking of a range of topics that I never dwelled into too much before. First among them is the connection between politics and economics throughtout history, and the second is the most famous debate since time immortal...no, not the chicken or the egg question, but about the existence of GOD. And these two are inturn interconnected because GOD is a good excuse that people have given for vested political and economic gains they have wanted and still want over their peers.

A stunning BBC documentary I watched about the Galapagos Islands, articles and lectures of Prof Richard Dawkins, reading about human rights issues and the economics of War ( Addicted to War is a good easy start) , watching lectures of Dr Noam Chomsky and quite a bit of stuff that I've subsequently read on Darwinism and other topics have screwed up my mind because there is no way a person who believes in science can reject evolution.. and if you accept evolution, you implicitly reject GOD. This makes you think why did you believe in GOD till now..which leads to the fact that society in a large way affects your morals, the way you think and behave, and that taken a step further means that we were/are (un)knowingly forced to think and behave in a particual direction because the higher powers in society gain from it..and that most of us are nothing but just puppets in the higher scheme of things. The church gained control over entire continents for most part of two milleniums by means of GOD...and billions of people have blind faith and strange superstitions that make them question their capability to do anything...( A Clockwork Orange makes a lot more sense to me these days ).

I might be offering the depressing (and true?) point of view, but it still makes more sense to me than believing in lies and see people slit each others throat for the sake of something they never understood and will never care to think of rationally... I can only hope that sanity and rationality will eventually prevail...should I say InshaAllah?

ACHEIVEMENTS IN LIFE

2007-04-28T18:28:00.000-05:00

Although I had lost interest in the Cricket World Cup the Friday that India lost and even though I was not supporting either Austrailia or Sri Lanka; I infact actually wanted the final between NZ and SA, I still watched the final coz I knew I would not be able to forgive myself later for not watching a Cricket World Cup Final. Australians won again and became the first team in the history of the game to win three consecutive World Cups.

Feeling a little low about not being first in anything for a long time now (the last I remember was coming first in the class in my 5th grade :) ), I reassured myself by becoming the first person in history to edit the Wikipedia entry of the Australian Cricket Team with the line that they won the 2007 ICC Cricket World Cup.

Finally some acheivement in life... :)

****
Current Mood: Silly
Current Song: 'Roz roz aankhon taale' from the movie 'Jeeva' by the Almighty R.D Burman

Roz Roz Aankhon Tale
Ek Hi Sapna Chale
Raat Bhar Kaajal Jale
Aankh Mein Jis Tarah Khwaab Ka Diya Jaale

LIFE

2007-04-19T20:22:00.000-05:00

Simple and Super!!

H1-B KA MAYAJAAL...

2007-04-05T17:28:00.000-05:00

Bhagdad..shor...hulla gulla...
hai Rattle and Hum..
suno suno duniya ke logo
H1-B hua khatam..

socha nahi tha aisa kabhi..
kisi ne bhi sapne mein...
sabki Phati hai ek saath ab...
batiyane lage sab aapne mein...

Gultis with H1's laage muskane....
dowry ke unke badhenge rate..
gulti without H1 bola 'mereku tension naakko'..
gas station pe waise bhi roz kaam 'kartoun' mein till late...

Radat hoti Ketaki ...
waste ho gayi uski zindagi..
"hastos kashala Parag vedhya...wat lagli ahey aamchi..."
"tula kay sangu aata...saalya tya Bush chya aai chi...."

Gujju bhai bolya "apan ne sheni chitna..
aapde lagn karsu with NRI Patel...
3 mahina ma Green Card..1 waras ma Citizenship..
pachi sambhalvani Motel..." (I wish)

Santa bola Banta nu..
Praaji tension na lo tusi...
pata tha mennu ticktein bik jaawegi..
te 'reservation' pehle kara liya tha assi... :)

aisi kai saari kahani...
suni peechle deeno logo ki zubaani...
sabhi hai pareshan, pyaare bhaiyon aur beheno....
desi consultants ki hai meherbaani...

$DOLLAR$ ke puull baandhe hue...
hai kaai umeede begaani..
kya pata ab kaun bachega..
hogi kiski qurbaani...

*****
Current Mood: Freaked Out..
Current Song: 'Open Road' by 'Bryan Adams' from the album 'Room Service'

I'm rolling on and on and on
who knows where i'm goin'?
life is an open road - it's the best story never told
it's an endless sky – it's the deepest sea
life is an open road to me
life is an open road to me

HAPPY BUDDAY 'VICTIM'

2007-03-28T21:35:00.000-05:00

Woosh!! Another year has flown by...probably one of the more important years of my life...I can't remember having been through this wide a range of emotions ever before...and knowingly or unknowingly, atleast to some extent, my blog must have reflected them...can't believe that I started writing this two years ago...

Join me, if you will, in raising another toast for my blog :)

****
Current Mood: Content
Current Song: 'Aanewala Pal' from 'Golmaal' by 'R.D Burman'

Aane vaalaa pal jaane vaalaa hai..
Thoda sa hasake...
Thoda sa rulake..
Pal yeh bhi jaane vaalaa hai..

MERI MAASTARNI MARY

2007-02-28T22:43:00.000-06:00

Hai meri ek maasterni..
naam hai uska Mary...
class le raha mein uski..
woh waat laga rahi meri...

Kahe mujhse Mary suno punit bhai..
karo tum bhi ab 'thodi' padhai..
bahut huey din masti ke..
meligi na ab tumhe reehai..

Deti homework woh har baar..
som, budh, ya ho shukar waar..
mann karta hai lagau thappad..
bolu bund kar ab yeh attyachar..

itna bura tha nahi kabhi.. mera grade record..
understanding ka pehle kabhi aisa hua nahi discord..
linked list likhu, to kabhi likhu mein merge sort...
dimag ki batti ab bhuj chuki hai... sochu karu mein class abort..

Mary tune hai chheeni kyon..
yun saari khushiyaan meri..
aankhne band karu jab dikhe ...
bhooton si shakal haaey teri...

socha year hoga yeh 'merry'..
hogi life sunehri...
par phir kahin se aayi yeh Mary..
aur dala ga*d mein danda meri..

****Smiling Silly****

*****
Current Mood: Silly
Song: 'Ga*d mein Danda' by 'Bodhi Tree'

Ga*d mein danda le, teri ga*d mein danda le..
na baas ki bansi, na sone ka saaliya..
ga*d mein danda le... :)

Words of Wisdom...

2007-02-17T00:45:00.000-06:00

Someone very nicely said what I would have taken a long time to explain...

Life is all about the 'ass' :

You’re either covering it,
Laughing it off,
Kicking it,
Kissing it,
Busting it,
Trying to get a piece of it,
Behaving likeone,
Or you live with one!!!

In hindsight, I can especially relate to the last part...but oh well, happy days are here again :)

SNAPSHOT..

2007-02-05T22:24:00.000-06:00

Snapshot of my trip back home...its not even a month and I already miss these guys...

*********
Current Mood: Tired..
Current Song: 'Teri Deewani' by 'Kailash Kher' from the album 'Kailasa'. Original and Brilliant!!

Preet ki lath mohe aaisi laagi..Ho gayi main matwaari...
Bal bal jaaun apane piya ko...Ke main jaaun vaari vaari...
Mohe sudh budh naa rahee tan mann ki..Yeh toh jaane duniya saari...
Bebas aur laachar phiru main...Haari main dil haari...
Haari main dil haari.. Haari main dil haari....

HOME SWEET HOME..

2007-01-20T00:07:00.000-06:00

Its hard to be back (to reality?). Really hard. They say that you don't know what you have been missing until it comes. It was exactly the same in my case..although the Original Chicken sandwich and Root Beer at Burger King or the Chicken Pita and a small drink..its always small :) , at Z's don't sound bad, its when i got garam rotis for lunch with two types of well cooked sabzis, proper gujju dal, chutneys and papad, all trademarked "with love from mom", that I realized what I had been missing for the past 2 1/2 years...and then i felt miserable. Terribly bad. And it was not about the food. It was like the moment of truth when you cannot stop your mind from racing through all the 'symbolic' bad days that you had and how difficult it was to face them alone. And how much have you missed and how much have you been missed. And how YOU have changed in this time...and how it will never be the same again...

Albeit, the misery was subdued to a great extent by the immense joy I felt upon actually 'being at home'. I used to talk long distance with my family and close friends every week for the last two and a half years, but it was far more pleasing to just see them in front of me and be in their close vicinity. And even more satisfying was the realization that they were more happy to see me than I was on meeting them. Happiness is a 'state of the mind' I had heard.... I'd rather call it the Indian 'State of mine'...

They say to acheive something you have to sacrifice. I now wonder where to draw the line between those sacrifices and the emblematic 'acheivements'. Without doubt, beginning today, I have decided not to sacrifice more than a couple of years for these deceptive American acheivements...

BACK TO YOU...

2006-11-30T22:00:00.000-06:00

Youve been alone, but ya did not show it
Youve been in pain, but did not know it
Let me do what I needed to - you were there when I needed you
Mighta let you down, mighta messed you round
But ya never changed your point of view
And thats why Im comin back to you...

Im coming back to you
Im coming back to you
Im coming back to you
That day is coming soon

Im coming back to you

Excerpt from 'Back to You' by 'Bryan Adams '. Dedicated to my parents.

Maa...mein aa raha hoon maa.. :)

YOU AND I

2006-11-22T23:55:00.000-06:00

This has always put a BIG smile on my face. Wish to be like him again for a day....Who or what that 'you' will be...happiness..satisfaction..pleasure..i really don't know...but someday i would really love to sing this song...and really feel what it means.. :)

PRICELESS

2006-11-02T12:07:00.000-06:00

Ipod Shuffle: $XXX

Getting up from the bed irritated by the banging of the door...accepting an unexpected FedEx parcel..staring at it and wondering...opening it up..seeing an Ipod shuffle and then reading a note and realizing that it is a surprise gift from your friend: PRICELESS!!!

Thanks chaman :)

********
Current Mood: Delighted
Current Song: All the 240 songs that the Ipod shuffle can hold!!

AJEEB ERROR MESSAGE HAIN YEH....

2006-10-27T20:41:00.000-05:00

This post is dedicated to all those software engineers who are in their office at 7:50 pm on a Friday trying to figure out a wierd error message and have no idea about what in the world is wrong with their code....

Ajeeb error message hain yeh..
rahe shuru na ho khatam..
yeh session variables kaunse
na yeh samajh sake naa hum..

yeh static class ke saath kyu..
error utha hain trace pe..
kya khwaab dekh raha hoon mein..
ke phir lagi hain waat re...

di gaaliyan hume ke tum..
coding mein fail ho gaye..
par specs mein itne flaws they..
design me jhol ho gaaye..

google se code leke tum..
naya system banaoge...
yeh bugs phir jab bhi aayenge..
tum phir se sir khujaoge..

Ajeeb error message hain yeh..
rahe shuru na ho khatam..
yeh session variables kaunse
na yeh samajh sake naa hum..

:)

HAPPY DIWALI

2006-10-21T16:22:00.000-05:00

My last week in two lines:

Early to bed ...early to rise...
work like hell...then advertise!!

(Credit for this quote goes to my roomie...apparently he had a tough last week too...what makes me jealous though is that my next few weeks are not going to be any better!! )

Another thing a friend told me was that in office life and work, sometimes it is not advisable to ask and wait for permissions..it is better to do the job and then ask for forgiveness if it goes wrong. That reminded me of a quote: "When I was five, I prayed to God for a bicycle. But I realized that life doesn't work that way, so I stole the bicycle and prayed for forgiveness" :-)

Neway, wish you guys a very happy diwali and a happy new year that has less screw up's than the one that just went by..

******
Current Mood: Amused
Current Song: 'Sunlight' by 'Natalie Imbruglia'

Today we dont know
Who we are
Ashamed, hiding behind the scars
Too many times
We let the things we feel
Get in the way of letting us
Heal the wounds
That open in the dark
Did you ever feel
Sunlight on your face?
Did you ever taste clouds?
Did you ever touch space?
Did you ever feel
Sunlight on your face?
Did you ever truly live?

HE...

2006-10-10T20:02:00.000-05:00

whatever he is...a hypocrite he is not..
"he's a fool"..."isn't he weird"..keep saying the lot...
his worries abound..his head is full..he has his own fears...
but they still lose...they can't take it away from him..
for he still can...without loathing and disgust..
stare at himself in the mirror...

DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

2006-09-30T12:11:00.000-05:00

Life is changing fast...lots of things happening...some which I like and some I really dont wan't to see... but that happens to everybody all the time....so I won't rant on that...but what doesn't happen to everybody, probably even once in there life, is the chance to see Roger Waters live in concert !!

I went with four friends to see him live...and what an experience...I am mentally still there....the whole idea of seeing a Pink Floyd member live in concert itself was overwhelming. Pink Floyd is legendary...arguably the biggest band in the world ever after The Beatles and Led Zeppelin (interestingly, all of them are British). And I got what I expected.. 15,000 people willing to stand outside on wet grass in freezing cold for 3 hours as it was an open theater...stunning visuals (the electricity used could power a couple of villages for a month back home) , lots of alcohol and pot... and amazing music. Another interesting thing was that beacuse Floyd is so old, there were lot of middle aged men and women..some as old as my parents..and they were all tripping on the songs...singing in sync..word by word...re-living there lost in the smoke past...all were a part of the hippie, Floyd, Zep and Doors era.. it reminded me of the last line in the movie 'The Last of the Mohicans': People will come and people will go, but once, we ruled here!!

Probably, event Water's must have been thinking the same..

*****
Current Mood: Content
Curent Song: "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd

When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

WHAT IS SUCCESS??

2006-09-10T18:39:00.000-05:00

In the hustle bustle of todays world, where materialistic pleasures and money dominate the game, and too much is not enough, we tend to forget what really being successful is...My friend gave me a small newspaper cutting about 10 years ago when I started my engineering. And time and again, I like to go back to it to calm myself down and get my priorities right. The note read...

"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

****
Current Mood: Thoughtful....
Current Song: Mitwa from Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna..

Teri Nigaahen pa gayi rahe
Par Tu Yeh Soche Jaaun Na Jaaun
Yeh Zindagi Jo Hai Naachti Toh
Kyon Bediyon Mein Hai Tere Paanv...

FREE FALL AT 60 MPH FROM 23 STOREYS HIGH

2006-09-04T19:07:00.000-05:00

Prince of Normal, Green Eyed Goblin, myself and two other friends made a trip to Six Flags in St. Louis..needless to say, a super thrilling experience. The best ride was "Superman, Tower of Power"... sitting with your feet hanging in the air on a chair strung to the top of a pole 23 storeys high is quite an experience...and falling down from that height all the more... If you are contemplating suicide by jumping off the top of a tall building and want to know how it will feel like before you make your final jump, look no further than Superman :)

******
Current Song: Stairway to Heaven, by Led Zepellin.
Current Mood: Bring it on...

INDIAN OCEAN...

2006-08-20T21:50:00.000-05:00

'Being busy' is the biggest cliche you hear from people who are working.. I'd rather call it time mismanagement on my part...whatever..the moral of the story is I dont find too much time left in my hands...and thus I was looking forward to this weekend... to just entertain myself...and thankfully, I had one of the best 2 1/2 hours i've had in some time now...

I went to Chicago this weekend to see the band 'Indian Ocean' live in concert :) ... and they were super!! I love music..and these guys rock. I like listening to their music...but seeing them live is a different experience altogehter...they are absolutely original...each of their songs have a social context / a revolutionary touch to them (can't help comparing them to the U2 of early days) and they have their own distinct sound...which is the hallmark of any great artist (think A R Rahman for instance..) . IMHO, easily India's most talented band. Any comparison is a waste of time. But more than anything...its about four normal guys who make excellent music... which is how it should be :)

And the guys were kind enough to click a pic with us... :)

From left: Rahul Ram (fourth, bass and vocals with superb stage presence) , Amit ( drums and backing vocals) and Aseem( vocals and tabla). We missed Sushmit (lead guitar) in the pic :(

Current Mood: Musical...
Current Song: 'Kaun' by Indian Ocean...

kaun beej bota hai yaaron phall yeh kaun chakhe..
yeh jag jantar mantar maya kaun ye khel rache..
kaun chadhaye roz ye sooraj pawan kaun phoonke..
rit jo aaye jaya nirantar kaun hisaab dhare...

HOW TO DEAL WITH CRANKY KIDS

2006-08-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

The last couple of weeks have been bad..plain simple bad...things not working and very less sleep, day after day...needless to say, i was irritated...and last sunday i was trying to call up a friend who was not picking up her phone...i called about four times throughout the day, but no response...that added fuel to the fire...and then when she called in the night, i told her the usual 'why do you keep your phone if you dont pick it up...' routine and that i was very angry...and all she said was, "shout...shouting will solve the problem for you". The same afternoon, i was talking to another friend and she told me that "if you are feeling so irritated, go to your room and jump 10 times on your bed". Nobody has offered me 'suggestions' like these for years now...I just shut up after both these statements....I felt stupid ...And I dont know why both these statements reminded me of my mom...very typical statements that make you more irritated and angry, but also make you realize that being irritated and angry is neither worth it and nor will it lead to any solution...and that only a calm mind will help you out of the situation...

What amused me was both lines these came from girls...and it got me thinking that may be girls have this programmed in them...the "how to deal with restless 'kids' " chapter ...kids who are sometimes just generally irritated..nothing in particular..who get angry towards none but all...I dont think my male friends would have told me anything like the statements above...infact, it would typically be "load mat le" or "ek picture dekh kar aaja" or "daru pee..mast neend aayegi.."... and very other 'practical' solutions...

More than anything, the whole thing makes me feel silly about myself ...and furthers my belief that women should always have the last call (and usually they have a better one) on dealing with cranky kids :)

*****
Current Mood: Silly :)
Current Song: 'Saathiya tune kya kiya' from the movie 'Love' (1991). Simple. Sweet. Soothing. and Still a favorite.

DEVIL AND THE DEEP SEA

2006-07-19T21:46:00.000-05:00

mind..you perverted freak..
why are you so erratic..so fanatic...
filthy, twisted schemes..you conjure without motivaiton..
but getting one positive thought from you requires training..your conscious cultivation...

dreams...your deadliest, most corrput weapon..
illusions of an oasis...wonders seem waiting to happen...
eventually you make him commit his first, the 'last' crime..
he seems convinced, isnt life after all about the 'peace of mind'...

eons have passed, but no sanity or humanity did you bring..
in your defense, do you wish to say a thing...

ask that not..you gloomy, meek heart..
you've been jealous, zealous, luscious, callous..right from the start...
you make him a fanatic..why blame me for perversion..
victim of your desire he becomes...why blame me for self destruction ...

biased affections, random obsessions you produce..
to a puppet,incapable of any decision he is reduced...
love, your ultimate curse in disguise..makes him see orgies of delight..
had you made him free of expectations, his future would have been so bright...

eons have passed, but no compassion and brotherhood did you bring..
now, in your defense, do you wish to say a thing...

the altercation continues..conjecture upon conjecture..
eternity has gone by, they still blame each other for his failure...
and in this saga, he has won nothing...has nothing left to lose..
if only he had a third option..
for between the devil and the deep sea..never could the poor man choose...

2006-07-09T02:59:00.000-05:00

Kaise tujhko dikhaun yahaan hai kya
Maine jharne se paani maa tod ke piya hai
Guchcha guchcha kai khwabon ka uchal ke chuwa hai
Chaaya liya bhali dhoop yahaan hai
Naya naya sa hai roop yahan
Yahaan sab kuch hai maa phir bhi
lage bin tere mujhko akela...

:(

THE BIG IDEA...

2006-06-20T00:36:00.000-05:00

Playing that perfect symphony..
its impossible with broken strings and erronous chords...
can any mind be in everlasting harmony..
can you tell, yes you, the one they call "Almighty lord"...

ten thousand different ways..my mind constantly wanders..
confused between your fabricated rights and implicated wrongs..woefully it wonders...
happiness is within oneself is what they say you preach..
but for the hapless soul who will never find oneself within happiness
do u have anything else to teach??

Millions have been waiting forever..
'GOD is watching' is all they've heard...
hopelessness and misery, HIS sheep have seen in abundance..
but HE has dissapeared, there's not a sign of their loving and caring Shepherd...

YOU got every unneeded ingredient of life right..
and wilfully you forgot panacea...
I know now, for only your contorted pleasure did you start this game called life...
tell me otherwise, hey antaryami, what was your big idea??

CHICKEN SOUP FOR MY SOUL

2006-06-03T12:10:00.000-05:00

there are many things that one wants to do...every person has a list of 'i want to do it but i cannot for some reason' things...the list is not necessarily materialistic...mine might seem outright silly...but the list does exist...and there are many reasons why we dont do them..sometimes we cannot find 'time' for them (which is directly proportional to our passion about doing it)...sometimes money... sometimes the fear of others laughing or calling it silly (dont tell me this is not true)...and most of the times its just sheer lazy ass procrastination... but the fact remains that we dont do it...and as the years pass by, it just becomes a lingering wish in our mind that is finally buried with us in our graves...

there is a big list on my mind too...things that i wish to do...oceans away from the technology and programming world that is the source of my bread and butter...things that are not for the 'be practical' mind...i know i m not going to accomplish half of them...but i would be more than happy even if I am able to do the other half...and by next december, there is a small portion of the list that i wish to mark as complete:

*Learn Juggling
*Learn the guitar
*Read atleast one good book a month
*Play any game a little better than I can right now

Lets see how much of this I can accomplish...

P.S: Would love to know your list...

*******
Current Mood: Dreamy
Current Song: 'Hu la la la' by Rahman from 'Sapnay'

Jhoome jaa jhoome jaaa..raahi tu jhoome jaa...
bhool ja pareshaniya :)

CLASS OF 2006

2006-05-22T01:22:00.000-05:00

The last two years were a lot of hard work...years of regaining confidence, bridging those gaps, of trying to reclaim the lost time...and I feel I have been successful to a certain extent...but all that aside, now they seem to have sufficed a purpose....Leaving college is not a very happy feeling I must say..losing friends and the student life is like double trouble...but everyone has to get ready for the bigger and better things in life...

My best friend Sachin and I both graduated the same day, same time, just 1200 miles apart.. congrats bud..we made it :)

Current Mood: No name for it..its very peculiar..
Current Song: 'Ae dile nadan' from 'Razia Sultan'

Aae dile nadaan...aei dile nadaan..
Aarzoo kya hain..justajoo kya hain...

MEIN BAHUT CONFUSED HOON...

2006-05-05T00:38:00.000-05:00

May 2003, Vashi Lake, sometime in the evening..
Murtaza: bure din sabhi ke aate hain..apne bhi aaye they..lekin ek baat yaad rakh...hamesha accho ke saath accha hi hota hain...

Aug 2003, Nagpur, on the terrace, Evening time..
Alok: Abe tu itna soch mat...sab ho jata hain...funding bhi mil jayegi...mereko baki kuch nahi pata..tereko jaana hi hain...

Jan 2004, Home, on the Couch..
Shashi: Aiya raine bi su thavanu che...tane to badhi khabar che..

Feb 2004, About 2 am in the night, On the phone...
Sachin: Abe mein hoon na yahan..tu aaja..sab dekh lenge...tu woh sab load mat le...apna sab jama lenge...applications mein dekh lunga...ek baar aaja..sab samajh jata hain...itna mat dar..kuch nahi aata to seekh jayega...

May 2004, Worli Sea Face, about 6 in the evening..
Pankaj: Abe ch***ye..pagal hain kya...nahi jayega..yahan par kya karega...conditional admission hain to kya hua...ek jagah se admission to aaya hain na...mereko to lagta hain ki tune jana chahiye....

June 2004, Shivaji Park sea shore, about 11 in the night...
Jayal: Puniya, tu ja...mere experience se bol raha hoon..tu ja...kuch bhi hua to mein hoon na idhar..bas soch mat..nikal idhar se...

Very strong reasons behind the completion of my Masters degree in less than 10 days from now.. this degree is dedicated to you guys :)..thanx for being there...

FUNDA-MENTAL QUESTION

2006-04-24T00:45:00.000-05:00

Some events of the recent past have left me a little shaken...may be jolted is the right word to use...but nonetheless, in retrospect I guess it was all for the good....I feel better, in more than one ways...

Moreover, it also gave me a different perspective to look at stuff...and made me realize two very important things (which are probably discovered by every guy, one way/day or the other)...

1) Girls are complicated.....way too complicated...(though I must admit that sometimes I like them that way :)...I repeat *sometimes*)

2) A girls intuition is 1000 times more powerful than what any guy can possibly ever have...

I've given up on the analysis of why they are the way they are and why they aren't the way they should be...

Yeh ladki kyon, najane kyon, ladko si nahi hoti?

Current Mood: Floating..i dont know where..
Current Song: Lukka Chuppi by A.R.Rahman from 'Rang De Basanti'. Sheer Brilliance.

TAKE IS EASY

2006-04-16T22:24:00.000-05:00

Till some time ago, my Voicemail greeting unsolicitedly preached people to "take it easy"....many friends told me that I should learn to practice what I preach...learn to take 'it' easy...and I have seen the 'it' varying from person to person and from time to time..but the fact remains that it is a difficult art that most of us aren't good at...I am learning to getting better at all the possible 'its'...and I am much better than I was some years ago..but there still is a long way to go. Coincidentally, last week I also danced on the song "Paathshala" from "Rang De Basanti" which actually comes the closest to "taking it easy"...so I decided that I should get back to blogging...a step towards taking it easy..and to "keep smiling till *then*", which is the earnest voicemail greeting of another good friend ..

Btw, see Hrithik Roshan dancing on Pathshala & Kajra re below ... :). Thanx Goblin and Reshma for forcing me to dance. I enjoyed it...

break...

2006-04-10T17:23:00.000-05:00

There were/are some things going on in my mind and I was/am losing focus...previously I was atleast focussed on what my purpose for coming to the US was...but I have drifted..I yeilded myself to the flow of the stream of time. I hate losing control of myself and I can see that happening...probably for a long time now and for many things. There is a numbness that I need to get rid off. Its a peculiar feeling..I had imagined a rainbow..but hadn't thought about the rain that was neccessary to give birth to that rainbow. I guess now is the time for that rain...

I hate addictions and blogging has almost become one such addiction for me. Thus I will not be blogging anymore till I get atleast the most important thing..the thing that means the most to me..right. I will post again...though I don't know when...all I can say is that it would start with "I will be working for a company called...."

Till then, take care all...

belated happy birthday victimofdesire.blogspot.com

2006-04-02T00:00:00.000-06:00

My Dear Blog,

Wish you a belated happy birthday. You've been among the better company that i've had in the last one year. You've been through my good days and the bad...you've seen me changing as a person...you've helped me connect..made me read a lot about random people on earth who are all the same deep down...have seen me through the dawning of new friendships and frustrations of impending losses...have helped me discover that I can write 'char laina'...and most importantly...you have helped me think. So here's raising a toast for you....

Holi hai!!!

2006-03-15T13:01:00.000-06:00

Wish you all a very happy holi!!

wahi masti..
wahi josh..
woh meri chotti si duniya
jaan se bhi jyada pyare mere gharwale aur mere dost..

Dear life...will you please please please go back if I press the rewind button?

Mixing, Dual Encoding, Objects and Classes

2006-03-05T19:38:00.000-06:00

Being a lover of both music and technology..as an ardent admirer of the greatness of the parallel universes of programming and music..(both are so vast that they give justice to the word 'universe').. I cannot help but draw inferences about the similarites between the two. And remarkable how both fields have changed in the last 40 years. The days of Procedural programming were so different. And Simple. Almost like the Hindi film music of the 60's. Those days songs had a only a couple of musicians playing select instruments. No digital mixing, sound engineering, watching out for volume balances and dual channel encoding, no surround sound, 1000 sound keyboards etc etc...and yet it was so great. Compare it with Procedural programming. No hassels of Objects, Classes, Encapsulation, Polymorphism, Abstraction, Inheritance, Operator Overloading etc etc... and I wonder why things have to change. Why would someone want to think of all these..can we keep life simple for once please!! I know I know..I can give an hour long speech about the benefits of OO, but today is not the day. Why? Coz I have been 'refreshing' my fundamentals(??) :-) for the past two days...and if you think 'so what'? Well..go figure this..

What does a protected member look like to other classes trying to use the subclass-outside-the-package to get to the subclass' inherited protected superclass member?

Btw, this makes *perfect* sense to me now :)

******

I went to the Chicago Auto Show a couple of weeks ago with a bunch of my friends and it was fabulous. Never in my life had I imagined that I would actually get to sit in a Porshce or a BMW and loads of other fancy breeds which are so costly that you need a calculator to count the zeros in their price! I was inspired...inspired by the engineering and designing brains that have made such wonderful machines by sheer imagination..and inspired to work hard enough to buy one of these someday. InshaAllah....

Current Mood: Inspired
Current Song: "Miracle Drug" by "U2"...

Of Science and the Human heart, there is not limit..
there is no failure here sweetheart, its just when you quit...

Fading away...

2006-02-27T01:13:00.000-06:00

This bond between you and me..
sadly, but surely , we can feel it slowly dying...
this rotting of camaraderie, both of us can see..
I can only wish our minds were lying...

a laughable misunderstanding..
you go first, why should I go...
wishing, wanting, willing, demanding..
venomous thoughts spat by satan wearing this garb of ego...

we need no pretence..
you know we know each other too well...
but maybe we demanded too much..
of what though, none of us can tell...

droplets of pain seep out now with every thought..
how, a dying friendship, is what years of affection bought...
WHY did we become apathetic to each others existence..
WHEN did the genuine care and concern turn into resistance...

i'm sure, years later, looking back on 'our' past..
you, like me, will let out a sigh..
and regret..why, by not caring, by just letting things flow..
we plundered our lives..
like that lovely candle died of an erronous blow...

'being friendly' and 'being friends'

2006-02-16T21:57:00.000-06:00

A friend at my old office in mumbai often used to say, and at surprisingly appropriate moments, that 'being friends' and 'being friendly' are two very different things. "Whats the difference?" one may ask..but i dont think they will find a perfect answer for it. Atleast I could'nt. But there is a difference. For sure. I think you can not define it, rather only experience it with the passage of time. Pay a little attention and it will dawn on you...

I dont know why, but these days that quote keeps coming back to me more than ever before. Maybe its the impending end of my college life that demands a list of 'real friends' I will/have move(d) forward with or maybe a couple of events over the past few months have caused that lost quote to resurface from some less visited corner of my mind. I just feel that some people I thought were my friends were only really 'being friendly'. No that it's bad. In todays world, even 'being friendly' is what most people cannot afford to be and I salute those who atleast make it a point to do that. It is just that it is difficult for me to reciprocate by just 'being friendly'. But finally I have learn't that I will have to learn to do it. Learn to be friendly with all but friends with only a few. May be no more now. The line is not to be crossed, because then balancing the equation becomes very difficult.

Well, may be my definition of 'being friends' is different. But I have lived by it. And so have my real friends. And that is why I want to treasure them more than anything.

******

Current Mood: Nostalgic
Current Song: "Better Man" by "Robbie Williams"

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been told
To take the blame..
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a Better Man..

The City of Blinding Lights

2006-02-09T00:13:00.000-06:00

I made a trip to NY last July when my friend had come down from India on a business visit. Yeah, business visit..I still wonder...what was Motorola thinking??!! :) My friend from Atlanta joined us and we drove to NY from Chicago..2200 miles return trip..3 days of amazing fun...after a long time, I was like my old self...we 3 are great friends for the last 10 years...and there is nothing like a good trip with great friends....We had never thought that we three would be together..in New York of all places!! Three chums from a small obscure 'galli' in Nagpur, with three totally different lives... posing for a pic at Times Square in NY...anything can happen :)

Below are some pics. Finally, I got them after 8 months...thats good considering that I havent seen pics of my Kashmir trip yet..even after 8 years...I feel like killing my friends when I think of it...apparently, they are still playing a 'game' with me...its just meant to be a little joke that has lasted for eight years!!

anyway, First one is the set of pics from Niagara Falls and the Second one from Times Square..

Current Mood: Irritated..too many things going on in my smaller than average mind...
Current Song: 'Answer' by 'Sarah Mclachlan'

Party pics

2006-01-31T22:06:00.000-06:00

We had a party at our house, reason being the belated birthday celebrations of my roomie and two other fellas...below are some pics..

Current Mood: Sleepy..too tired from a few events of the recent past..
Current Song: 'Aadat' by the band 'Jal'...
Duur jitna bhi tum mujhse..paas tere mein...
Ab to aadat si hai mujhko aise jeene mein...

Who's Worse...

2006-01-20T11:36:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about a little sequence of events for some time now. And I've arrived at too many conclusions and yet no solution.

The Girl: Pretty faced. Good Natured. 'Normal'. Had something going on with a guy in the very near past. She denied initally thinking things wont work out for them. Guy moved out. Got engaged to someone else and is getting married in the near future. Now our girl feels the shock of the result of her actions. Becomes a zombie. Thinks she was dumb to say 'NO'. Can't get over the fact that things happened the way they did. Is perenially depressed. Still thinks things can work out her way and can't help calling her guy up. Everyday. That guy, amazingly, still talks to her, even as he is getting married to some other poor soul in less than a month. Our girl doesn't really care about the future of the other girl whom the guy is getting married to. She thinks that there is still a chance that she herself can marry this guy even now and everything will be rosy. Again.

The Boy: Another guy. With supposedly strong values. Has never had a relationship. Gets to casually know the girl mentioned above. They become friends. He discovers that they are pretty compatible. Soon, he starts kinda liking her, even though he knows the past and present about the girl. Even though he knows and believes that her actions are unjust and uncalled for, probably even immoral given the fact that she is in touch with her old flame, putting the life of that other girl in peril. He knows that she wants her guy or no one else. Never. Still, he thinks maybe our confused and repentant little girl would get over the whole thing as time goes by and will start liking him. Tries to justify his behavior and thought process by telling himself that 'love makes people do crazy things'. Probably lacks confidence. Thinks he might not find a better girl. Or maybe is not patient enough to wait for the time when he will surely find one. Is probably ready to 'accept' the girl, fully aware of the fact that it will take years, probably more than forever, before the girl forgets her past and truly starts 'loving' him and not just 'living' with him.

Whose worse among the two?

2006-01-13T11:09:00.000-06:00

"wwwoooooo kaaaaattt...." :-)

Happy sankranthi to all of you...cheers to the wonderful days of flying kites..

Makar Sankranthi: There are a lot of things that dollars can't buy. The joy of flying kites is one of them... :-)

Koi lauta de mere woh beete hue din....:-(

10 most heard songs: 2000-2005

2006-01-10T22:42:00.000-06:00

Anonymous: "The second most influential form of human expression after silence is music". I believe music comes first. In these last 5 years, one of the most important things I have discovered about myself is my love for music and the incredible happiness that anything related to music gives me. Be it singing, listening or playing my instruments. I have listened to an incredible variety of music, have downloaded more than 20-25 GB of music from around the world, from raaga to rock. Was thinking yesterday what songs I've heard the most in my last 5 years...and thus this post. Here's the lowdown...atleast what I can think at the moment..when I read it again tommorow, I'm sure I would feel that I should have put some other song instead of one in this list. And ofcourse, you will have a different favorite list. Your suggestions and criticisms are welcome...anything for good music!!

My list (not in any particular order of preference):

1) "Where the Streets have no name" by U2:
Energetic. Eclectic. Escapist. Evangalistic. Electric. This song perfectly fits all these descriptions. It can wake up a dead man and get him running in seconds, and make him think about the life that he has just lived!! My first U2 favorite..the words you see scrolling in the status bar of this window at the bottom left corner are from this song!!

2) "Is mod se jate hain" by R.D. Burman:
RD. Lata. Kishore. Gulzar. Magic unlimited.

3) "Aankhon ke Sagar" by Fuzon:
Amazing flow and rythm, and that pain in the voice and the lyrics. I have ended every party I've had last one year by listening to this song. After everybody leaves and I am alone. Me, this song and serenity....

4) "Walk On" by U2:
An important reason why I still "walk on" after everything that has happened..

5) "Chinnamma Chilakamma" by A. R. Rahman:
Gives me goosebumps. Best percussion I have heard in a long time. I relate it to someone.. which makes it all the more better.

6) "Tere bina jiya nahi jaye" by Fuzon:
If you think you are in love, listen to this song. It resonates with those love hormones in your body!! I have no words to describe this..makes me want to fall in love. Again :-)

7) "One" by U2:
"One love. One life. You got to do what you should." The perfect song about contradictions, it was ranked #1 and #5 on the list of the best recorded songs ever by two different magazines. And my biggest influence in the last one year.

8) "E Ajnabi" by A. R. Rahman:
HAUNTING!! I Remember listening to this song once from 6 am to 2 pm. In a loop. Non-Stop.

9) "My Immortal" by Evanescence:
I've heard that this song is sung in funerals!! Oozes sadness. And what a voice..Amy Lee, I salute you!!

10) Am really feeling guilty by now..dont feel like I m doing justice to my other favs. So here is to all the songs and artists of the world.. Thank you!!

I SEEK...

2006-01-04T20:56:00.000-06:00

I seek anonymity,
the scary road that ends in complete oblivion..
i dream of that state of serenity..
no more facades of lies to cover up my truths..no more of these inner sparks of rebellion...

I seek satisfaction..
not any more from this plethora of materialistic desires..
but by performing atleast one just action...
by living for a worthy goal , by finding within me some passion, some fire...

I seek the truth..
want learn all the who's what's and why's about HIM and myself..
want to end this endless cylcle of if's and but's
by becoming a soul thats truly content within oneself...

On this much battered path of self-discovery I tread..
where millions before have advanced much ahead..
but I wonder if even one life has discovered that supreme blinding light..
has there been one soul, that was able to put an end to this endless plight..

In the hope of that day of pristine revelations, I walk on...

Writing Testimonials

2005-12-28T00:24:00.000-06:00

After getting a billion invites from people to join Orkut and Hi5, i was eventually fed up and finally became a member of both these social networking communities sometime back...if not for anything else, atleast in the hope that i would not see any more invitations in my inbox to join these sites...but it turns out that it was not very bad after all...i was able to reconnect with some of my old friends...there are many more there whom I found, know well and with whom i don't want to connect. I was kinda suprised with this decision of mine, given that i was (am?) a very social guy..but I guess after some point in time its not about the no. of people in your address books but the quality of people with whom you wish to associate with.

Anway, those thoughts apart, one good thing about these websites is that you can write testimonials for friends..i have never really written a testimonial for anyone..but when the subject for the testimonial is one of my best friends, i sure can be a little crazy...here is what I wrote about him..am not naming him here, for the obvious reason that those who know him will say "I totally agree!!"..hehe..:-). Here it goes:

ab yeh janab ke kya kehne..pothi galli ke hanuman mandir ke baju mein 3 lakdiyan laga ke cricket khelta tha hamare saath. Rajendra High School principal cried the day he left school,they never expected him to pass the 10th grade:-) they will be surprised to know, as I am till date, that he turned out to be a real good Programmer...Powered by Ctrl+C and driven by Ctrl+V...who says copying in school doesnt help..he can drive real well too..has successfully driven away all the girls that ever knew him just by being himself. If looks could kill, he would be dead by now. A born genius, he is multi-talented...has the talent to talk and piss you off at the same time...believes that he cooks really well...and the loo in his apartment confirms that...is completely shameless and devoid of self-respect, given the fact that he keeps calling me up everyday even now when i have told him a zillion times that he tortures me to death..

In all..a total loss , an utter disgrace to humanity and one of my best friends. *chumma*

******

Wish you, whoever you are and wherever you are, a very happy and prosperous new year: a year where you hopefully wont act like the stupid dumbass that you were this year!! Hope you have a great year ahead...

It's India time....

2005-12-17T13:49:00.000-06:00

there is nothing much that i can think of writing...actually am just too exhausted of thinking...about everything...or probably nothing...or maybe about somethings...its all confusion.... The smell of India is in the air in every desi apartment here...most of my friends are going to india in the next 3 days..both are roomies are already there..and one has even emailed me that he stopped and ate wadapav on the Mumbai-Pune expressway the day he landed..i can actually imagine that content smile on his face while eating that wadapav...coming to think of it..we eat something similar to that wadapav at Burger King or Pizza Hut or Subway or McDonalds on campus almost everyday...but nothing can beat that wadapav...its funny what people want to do when they go to India.. my roomie wants to sleep, play soccer and eat tandoori chicken and do nothing else...another friend has told his mom to bring a tiffin box full of idlis to the airport!! says he does not want to miss a day of not eating idlis...

Another friend from hyderabad says he will go to his favorite biryani place first before going home..while another friend says she just wont come back from India...as simple as that!!! There are many other similar 'desires' that i can mention...simple pleasures of life that no amount of money can afford here...I told my best friend who is in India right now and is from my hometown, to fly kites everyday..because this is the season for that and flying kites is what we used to do all december in our childhood...and no amount of pleasure here is gonna replace flying that 50 paise kite on my terrace....

And since I am not going home, all i am doing is transporting myself to India thru all my friends...telling each one what to do...they hate it..and i cant help it...because that is what i would have done if I was going...but alas, somethings take their own time to happen. There is nothing else that i can do but wait patiently...for the time I get to go home and for the time when my friends are back here with bags of Kaju Katli's that I have asked everyone to get....And meanwhile, for all my friends whom I miss so badly...

Guzare Huve Kal Ki Yaad aati hai..
kuch lamhon se aankhen bhar aati hain..
woh subah rangeen shaam nirali doob jati hain..
jab tum logonki yaad aati hai...

********

We had the Christmas Potluck dinner in our office this Wednesday. Here is a pic of me with my office mates and my boss...me with my new look.. ;-)

Expectations

2005-12-08T21:03:00.000-06:00

Don't expect, my friend, you'll only regret..
this, eons ago, a wise man had said...
i follow that advice...all the time..
try not to let those thoughts resurface in my head...

since 'then', i've tried to always be 'in control'..
have never really cared about the happines of my soul...
told my mind, i am commiting no crime, when i killed my dreamy heart..
when love and laughter and everything inbetween was torn apart...

Day after each day, dear life now sluggighly passes by..
i try to follow the "be good, do good" principle...
Of the Sacred Church of Loneliness..
i have become a content disciple...

but still, somedays, an evanescent thought passes by..
it flashes a feeling, draws a silhouette..and a voice calls out..
"Only one thing I ever wanted to happen..."

Will you..

2005-12-03T15:08:00.000-06:00

One beautiful fall day, you walked unknowingly into my life..
that magical smile on your child-like face...
GOD, you are an awesome artist, I had sighed..
seeing those lovely eyes, sheilded by innocence's embrace...

Before I knew, I started talking with you..
for endless hours together, in my mind...
didnt know why, I had this gut feeling..
that finally, i have found someone of my kind...

Heart and mind decided unanimously, the truth was never more clear..
'this' was nothing but love...
how else could I explain those feelings..
I never realized existed in my minds lost alcoves..

This surge of crazy hormones..
I've never experienced before...
even when your faintest thoughts start taking shape..
happiness comes knocking on my door...

You like me too...
this, your demeanor can't refute...
there is some sparkle when you talk to me...
about that, there is no dispute...

You mean everything to me now..
How much i love you, you have no clue..
But I 'm afraid of making the move, I dread losing you..
Will you please come and let your eyes say the words, "Yes, I do..."

The four options

2005-11-23T18:06:00.000-06:00

The four schools of thought for living your life:

1) Mein zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya...
har fikr ko dhuen mein udata chal gaya..
--Sahir Ludhianvi, famous Indian Lyricist

2) "His rational self interest is the highest moral obligation of any human being."
--Ayn Rand, famous American author of books "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged".

3) kisi ki muskurahaton par ho nisar..
kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhar...
kisi ke waste ho tere dil mein pyar..
jeena isi ka naam hain....

--Shailendra, another famous Indian Lyricist

4) Karmanye Va Adhikaraste, Ma Phaleshu Kadachana
-- the most famous of them all, almighty Lord Krishna..

Time and again, i think about how I am/I should/ I will live my life...and the above four 'options' is what I am presented with...as of today, I think I am leaning more towards no. 3...I dont know why but there definetely is some unexplained happiness in making someone else happy...sometimes at your own expense...may be that feeling springs up from deep down inside coz somebody didnt make you happy at some point of time...I really dont know..but I can't see somebody very sad..not that I can do much about it. But Still. However, it also makes me more sad when others dont follow this principle and are so amazingly 'self-centered'. Makes me rethink my decision...

Then again, sometimes I feel I should live like Ayn Rand made 'Howard Roark' live in 'The Fountainhead', but too many things prevent it from happening: obligations, commitments, happiness dervied from others, love and the fear of pain...or may be I just dont want to live like Roark and thus these reasons. As Rand says, "Contradictions do not exist. Weigh your premises and you will find a final answer." Guess I will never be able to correctly weigh my contradictions...

As for no. 1, it either takes a Saint or a lunatic loner to live life like Sahir suggested. And I am neither. On second thoughts atleast not the former.. ;-)

And forgetful Lord Krishna did not remember that he himself had endowed all primates of the human species with an emotion called 'worry' before he advised Arjun to keep working and never think about the results. Sadly enuf, I do worry about results of actions; both mine and others' actions...

None of the above seem to be working for me..and then I recall what Javed Akthar said in Swades:

Jeevan mein preet hain..
hothon par geet hain...
bas yahi jeet hain..
sunle rahi...

so do I say and so do I feel. And it strikes me that I probably have found my way..

I really am living...and winning.

Ready to Rumble

2005-11-18T16:25:00.000-06:00

There'll be bad times, surely will they cause frustration..
everything will seem unresaonable,baseless..without any foundation...
your 'once upon a time' happy mind will try to escape..
wierdest of thoughts would merrily take shape...

you should give up on everything..just run away..
your heart will say..
who has cared for you anyway...

confused mind will yell..
why dont you become a loner, a non compliant..
you are already a psycho, become totally defiant...

may be you should start taking drugs..
the Satan gestating in you will suggest..
you should begin to drink..
extinction isn't far, you are already on the brink...

your heart will swear..nobody should you ever console..
everybody should go to hell, why should you care about a soul...
misery and pathos will go hand in hand..
your mind would become their fertile land...

to yourserlf you will say...
there's no point in being an achiever..
I should stop being a believer...
no one can understand my plight..
to prove what and to whom, should I now put up this fight...
I will get away from this world's cruel ways..
Survival will be possible on the memory of my good old days...

at one time or the other..
thoughts like these will surface, my brother...
facing the darkest cloud of miseries unknown..
you'll struggle, to once again be your own...
your heart and mind will be in a strife..
while the 'opponents queen' creates havoc in this chess called life...

but if you will still be good..
if you'll wish joy and spread happiness like you always could...
if all these negative thoughts, your mind will crumble..
if you'll never stumble, if your character remains humble...
then, you are prepared for this jungle called life, My Son..
you are a Man now, you are ready to rumble!!

Good Bye...

2005-11-11T15:25:00.000-06:00

A nice thought
my wishful mind sprouts up..
dry lips make way for a smile
my wary eyes light up...

things are going to be better
i tell my heart..
all your wishes
you wont have to thwart...

a day will come
when i'll willingly yawn..
there will be no leaving for work
before the break of the dawn...

a little more time i'll have
to spend with my loved one..
just a little more money for food
my kids will eat more than a bun...

my wife's smile, atleast once
will true joy, reveal..
all her sadness and vulnerability
she wont need to conceal...

the day will come
when helplessness will not scream..
there will be no more sleepless nights
this nightmare will become a sweet dream...

there will be no pain
i won't remember the word called 'sorrow'..
and i will look forward to
the advent of tommorow...

all committments will be met
no more will I be in debt..
and for not fulfilling my dying parents wishes
i wont have to regret...

I am already old
have been through tragedies untold..
Now most of my skin has wrinkled
and every hope has crumbled...

I ask HIM this one question..
"from this, will I ever be free?"..
He just says "Everything has a reson, my Son
One day you will agree..."

So I wait for that day and time
when there will be happiness sublime..
and dream that long before the day I die
I would have wished all sadness "Good Bye"....

NO EXPLANATIONS...

2005-11-04T18:19:00.000-06:00

I demand an explanation...
"I dont want to give any justifications"

but whats goin on in your mind..
"oh you've been so unkind"

but i never meant to cause any hurt...
"now your actions you cant revert"

listen to me, you have to trust...
"all I feel for you is disgust"

behind that craziness was nothing else but obssesion..
"you've caused me so much depression"

but i was only a kid, i never realized what i did..
"you've lost your only chance to bid"

oh plz...i am not lying, you have to believe...
"its this relationship that i want to releive.."

let's tear all those differencs apart..
we can be great together, lets make a new start...

"pack your bags and leave, i never will care..
just dont cause me any more despair.."

to err is human, can't you forgive...
without you, you know i wont be able to live...

beautiful pictures, ohh so many, my mind had created..
but all she said was "Not Interested"....

and then she left, not saying another word..
that was the last time, from her, that i ever heard...

i was high on the dope of hope...
little did i know that there was no scope...
my throat parched
mind my had blurred
how can this be happening,
this could not have occured...

all those sleepless nights,
those dreams, thoughts of "should I give it a try"..
all that she left me with
was the choice to cry...

But I am too strong..
I knew my conscience wasn't wrong...
there was no reason for me to repent..
some things, for me, were never meant..

And now my ship's mast is high.. I'm sailing back again..
Conditioned and institutionalized, I never feel any more pain...
And though i don't know the direction to the shore..
goodness and truth will one day, help me find what I'm looking for...

the feel good times...

2005-10-30T21:45:00.000-06:00

its Diwali again....the time for school holidays, cousins coming home, cleaning the house, buying that new trouser, moms making those farsans and mishtans and kids finishing it all up, craving for that one extra cracker, girls taking hours of pain in drawing that amazing rangoli and guys happily spoiling them, decorating shops, going to mandir at 6 am in the morning to get the special darshan and mom specifically instructing to keep footwear in the paid section to prevent them from being stolen, getting countless blessings in one day and countless times more valued than that, the 500 odd rupees that elders gave...debating the superiority of rassi-bomb over laxmi-bomb..getting fascinated by looking at the rockets up in the sky and the jamin-chakkars on the ground, considering yourself infinetely superior than your friends coz u managed to grab those two extra choclates from that aunties house...mom telling you to study on new years eve hoping that you actually would study the rest of the year....and this...and that.....and this...and that....

nothing narrates better times more than diwali in India...so here's wishing u happy diwali in a novel way( and since somebody accused me of plagiarism..:-), here is the disclaimer: this is not written by me..i lifted it from a forward. ).....

Bhagwan kare aapko...

Chandragupt Ki Shakti
Meerabai Ki Bhakti
Ramchandra Ka Gyan
Karan Ka Daan
Einstein Ki Buddhi
Nobel Prize Ki Siddhi
Gandhi Ki Ahimsa
India Ki Parampara
Vajpayee Ki Maryada
Manmohan Ki Sampada
Michael Jordan Ki Salary
Arundhati Roy Ki Vocabulary
Bhagat Singh Ka Deshprem
Sweetheart Ka Amarprem
Google Ke Share
Rupiyo Ke Dher
Tata Ke Senses
Ambani Ke Licenses
Birla Ka Bangla
Daler Ka Bhangra
Hrithik Ki Style
Madhuri Ki ishmile
Amitabh Ki Personality
Aishwarya Ki Popularity
Worldtour Ka Ticket
Duniya bhar ka cricket
Mercedez Ki Car
Diamond Ka Haar

Aur Logon Ka Dher Saraa Pyar Prapt Ho...

happy diwali!! :-)

How to make sense of it all...

2005-10-23T09:35:00.000-05:00

My friend Murtaza always repeats this one line whenever I get a little low or start cribbing...he says that "Eventually, good things are bound to happen to good people...that is the law of life.." He always says that. Always. And then he gives me an example...of some different person...everytime...and then I believe in those lines for some days...but I see so many problems and so much pain with so many people I know, that I almost always end up wanting to refute that 'feel good' statement. Because if that statement is true, then the conclusion to be drawn is that all these people I know are bad...and the answer to which is negative. So what is the reason for all this misery then? Before I jump to a conclusion, its important to notice his statement that these 'good' things will happen over a long period of time and happen when you least expect them to happen. And that is when his statement truly sinks in. Life does not pay you back in the same currency. We would get it back, but when and how is not for us to decide. And there lies the problem. We have this dedicated calculator in our minds that keeps on calculating whether we have got our dues back from life. And that calculator is not working correctly in most minds. It is biased and adds our problems more than it subtracts the goodness that we have got back and thus the total never reaches back to zero and we always end up feeling that life still has something to give back to us. The day we get this calculation fine-tuned to work correctly, I believe most of us would be happier.

My reason for this philosophical indulgence is because my friend is going thru a bad time. B A D bad. And these lines, from the Jagjit Singh song 'Kyon zindagi ki rah mein.....', perfectly summarize her situation:

Aisa nahi ke humko, koi bhi khushi nahi..
Lekin yeh zindagi bhi koi...zindagi nahi...

It's like this feeling of emptiness, even when you are in a group of friends. You dont really know why you feel so sad about something or is it even justified that you feel sad about it or whether that someone is even worth your sadness. And even after knowing all these things, the truth is that you do feel sad about it. All the time. When after every laughter there is this silence when your memory takes you back to some old situation...when everything was so good. And then the mind, given its perfect sense of timing, pops up this 'will it/I/they/life ever be the same again?' type of question.

Thats when helplessness starts to sink in. A person who is so used to being in control of the situation, someone to whom others look up to for help..all the time, someone that others think is so poised and confident has infact become so fragile and brittle within. And I feel helpless about not being able to help my friend out. I can only talk her out of it and talking doesn't seem to work. And thus again I see Murtaza's belief-system of good things happening to good people failing. Or is it just that my minds calculator is not fine-tuned? And while thinking about all this, the only lines that come to my mind are from U2's 'Stuck in a moment you can't get out of'....

I never thought you were a fool...
But darling look at you...
You gotta stand up straight...
Carry your own weight...
These tears are going nowhere baby...

How long must we sing this song...

2005-10-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

I am not a big fan of photography....and neither do I understand it much...but I do believe that a picture can say a thousand words...and some pictures speak more than a million words....but this picture below did not speak a million words...not a thousand...not even one word....it forced a silence....and then it just hit a bullet...ripped off right thru the center my brain...i have not seen such a picture for years now....it made me numb...and it keeps coming back to me....which i dont want to happen.....

Why??

Because i don't want to distort my illusion...things are perfectly fine...arent they?? Life is great, I get instant hot and cold water...I have the option of choosing between White, Italian and Wheat bread...I can buy reduced fat, 2%, skimmed and Fat Free milk, Friday nights at the clubs are only $5, U2's new album is awesome and the JDK 1.5 has this new Scanner Class built-in which makes reading input from the console a lot easier.... and I am only living my life within this hallowed circle...My teachers and parents have always taught me not to worry anyway.....

we are ONE...but we are not the same....
we have to carry each other...carry each other...

HELLO HELLO...I WENT TO A PLACE CALLED VERTIGO

2005-10-01T15:00:00.000-05:00

Event: U2 L.I.V.E in Concert
Date: 09/20/05
Venue: United Center
City: Chicago
Experience: Priceless...No, MasterCard cannot buy it!!

Went to see U2....yeah..U2, my fav band U2, the biggest and best band in the world U2, U2-the masters of making you feel good and bad about the same thing at the same time ...., live in concert... L I V E...am yet to recover from the experience...I had not really imagined that I would get a chance to watch them perform live...it's one of those things that I always dream while taking a shower....me singing together with Bono...or me writing a song with Bono...and some dreams do come true...there I was..right there..singing "Where the streets have no name" in sync with Bono and 18,000 other like-minded people...while 'The Edge', in his trademark numbered jersey and cap, was strumming away his guitar to glory, totally oblivious to the sheer web of magic that he was weaving. Met people who have been seeing U2 shows since 1984...and who still feel the same euphoria on listening to those golden oldies....

So now I have experienced U2 live in concert, I have seen A.R. Rahman in concert...I wish R.D. Burman was alive and I could watch him live in concert...that would have completed my pilgrimage of the holy trinity....Yahweh...

*********

Its complicated to advise someone about love, especially when u haven't had many real experiences of rising in love yourselves....but it amazes me how those words of wisdom come to a persons mind when giving advice about love to his pals....and then (s)he ends up doing the same mistake when their time comes....they say we should learn from others mistakes....why dont we learn about love from others??? OR, is love to be learned from others???

*********

My friend SinUrge, has a very interesting small story on his blog...the latest post...the story is small..and it leaves the space to draw a conclusion wide open...pretty funny and interesting incident...

*********
Song of the week: 'One' by 'U2' from the album 'Achtung Baby', 1991.

Did I ask too much? More than a lot....
You gave me nothing, Now it's all I've got....

reality check...

2005-09-17T23:59:00.000-05:00

"am i good enough to get that?"...this question pops up in my mind sometimes...probably more than sometimes...where 'that' keeps changing...concious self-doubt or just a passing thought of the sub-concious mind?? i dont know...the anwer to that question...i dont know again....can someone tell me that answer?? no answer to that question either..... do i want someone to tell me the answer?? may be yes...do i want someone to console me...what for???....why do i want someone to 'talk' with me, when i know it is all in my mind...i dont know again...will something help at all??...may be...may be...may be....and the story just keeps going...contemplation is a good time killer anyway....

******

my friend Alok turned 25 today....so what?? everybody turns 25...whats the big deal??...the 'deal' is that we are friends for more than 19 years now...yeah...19...amazing how we are friends for so long....we went to KG together...which is the proof of concept that atleast somebody can bear me....or is it vice-versa...i wonder how much more we have to bear each other....its time he gets a girl for himself and stops bothering me.... :-)

*****

A line from the song 'Aankhon ke Saagar' from the album 'Saagar' by 'Fuzon'...probably my 'song of the year' ...never fails to 'kill' me...every time the same kick...that same feeling which i can't define...

sabhi dooriyaan.....yeh majbooriyaan....
bhula do unhe....main hoon yahan....

love...longing...sadness...eagerness...passion...pain...dilemma..desperation...and that ever so present confusion....

and why do i like it so much....again, i dont know.....

ganpati bappa morya

2005-09-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

it was Ganesh Chathurthi day before yesterday. One more Ganesh Chathurthi when I was not at home and where my heart was all day long....it gets crazy sometimes....its already 8 years that i've been away from home and the good old days...and i have no idea whether i will ever be able to settle back in the same place...I think about these things sometimes and the only lines that come to my mind are those from a Pink Floyd song ...."I have become Comfortably Numb"...I dashed of a mail to all my friends from Nagpur, about the usual days of Ganesh Chathurthi in Nagpur...and I was a little amazed that no one replied....which leads me to draw two conclusions...

1) Either they have learned and have become Comfortably Numb and dont want to think about the Nagpur days and feel bad about not being there..OR

2) they actually didnt have as great and wonderful Ganesh Chathurthi memories time as I've have.... and both the reasons are sad.....but whatever..here's the mail....

***nagpuri public..

kya chal raha hain...hope you are all doing well..
wish you all a very happy ganesh chathurthi...

its the time of the year to remember "nagoba galli", "vargani/pavti book", mandap and lighting walas, the fancy dress competitions and the housie games organized by your mandals, the aarti's and more importantly, the good prasad after the aarti, the musical chair competitions and the 'sports' games, two days of holidays at schools and playing 'hit' songs in your mandap instead of bhajans, the good feeling of wearing a new dress, the visarjan at shukrawali talav/telangkhedi, the gulal ...and most importantly...takar takar takar...yes, the sundal :-)....nothing can beat that...

take care and long live nagpur..

Punit***

the classic love story of america and long weekends...

2005-09-04T12:06:00.000-05:00

America thrives on weekends....I mean it....250 million Americans have a plan for every weekend...no kidding....and if it is a long weekend., then..."Thou shalt have to have a long weekend plan, my son" is what Jesus announces from the holy heavens. I had to hang my head in silent shame when I answered 'nothing' to the question, "Whats your plan for this weekend, Punit" by Debra, the secretary at my new office. I sometimes get a little irritated by this weekend culture. As Paul Resier says in his book Couplehood.."my best weekend would be to sit at home, listen to good music, talk to a good friend, read a good book and lots of newspapers and sleep a lot!!"...and I am living that exact weekend...a long weekend to be more precise.... My friends and roomies have gone to St. Louis in Missouri, about 3 hours from my town, but I skipped the plans coz i didnt feel like going...which drew a lot of flak from all four sides...but whatever...

*********

The good side of skipping a trip was that I was able to finish the book "Jack: Straight from the gut" by Jack Welch, who was the CEO of GE for 20+ years..and whom the great Warren Buffet called the Tiger Woods of Management! It was fascinating to see the details of how a business with more than $100 billion in revenues and more than 3,00,000 people was managed and should be managed. The one thing which this guy stressed on a lot and which I strongly believe in was that "It is all about people...". They say that great minds think alike...I don't think it is difficult to draw a conclusion about me then....:-)

***********

My roomies from Louisiana ( which has been severely hit by the hurricane Katrina) had come down in June to watch the F1 race at the Indianapolis circuit (again about 3 hours from my town..). We managed a trip to Chicago the day before...here are some pictures... watch the faces in the picture on the left....Kodak Moment..;-)

the usual weekend stuff...

2005-08-28T00:20:00.000-05:00

Scene 1: Saturday, 12 p.m.
[knock on my door]
Roomie: Abe uth sale, its 12 in the afternoon..it's your turn to cook!! and we are hungry...
Me: Saala kal raat ko 4 baje soya tha yaar...i will be up in 5 mins...kal ka khana bacha nahi hain kya??!!

I get up, luckily there is leftover food from yesterday night..I heat up the stuff, we all eat and do BS...before we know its 4 in the afternoon...

Scene 2: Saturday, 4 p.m
[A friend walks in]
Friend: Chai pila na..bahut bore ho raha hain...wat r ur plans for tonite..lets watch a movie...
[Another friends calls up]
Friend: Wassup man, you woke up, eh??!! Lets play volleyball..
Me: Call the others, see you at 6.

Scene 3: Saturday, 10 p.m
[ People decide they want to play teen-patti at my apartment...]
Friend: We are coming over to play teen-patti..
Me: OK..aa jao....khelte hain..

Scene 4: Sunday Morning 3 a.m

Finally teen patti is over...ppl plan for a coffee..we go to Steak & Shake at 3:30 a.m. in the morning..

Scene 5: Sunday Morning 10 a.m
[friend calls up]
Friend: Hey Punit, I am cooking Karnataka Special today ;-)...and good Madrasi sambhar..come over at about 12 for lunch...
Me[Delighted]: Oh sure, I will be there before time!!!

I end up eating like a pig, come home and sleep for 2 hours in the afternoon (i love these afternoon naps)...

Scene 6: Sunday evening 6 p.m
[I call up a friend]
Me: Hey, kya chal raha hain..kuch accha khana bana rahi hain kya??
Friend: Come over, we will make dabeli...get boiled potatoes if you can..
Me: see you at 7:20

Scene 7: Monday morning 00:11 a.m

I finished my assignment for tommorow and I am writing this post...

Scene 8: Monday morning 9 a.m...
[9 hours in the future]

I miss my bus and am cursing myself because I am late for my office again....

2005-08-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

My younger cousin sister sent me this mail on the 15th of Aug., when I finished 1 year here in the US...and I really really loved it...dont know why I felt that I should post this...so here it goes...

One yr has past but....
baa still watches kumkum ,
mota papa still goes for a walk at 5am ,
mota mami still cooks ur favourite kheer ,
papa is still against love marriage ,
mummy still makes theplas ,
kaka still loves chocalates ,
kaki still runs behind raja with his food ,
shashank bhai still bullies me ,
shraddha is still waiting for the latest gossip ,
vishwas still talks more wth girls than with guys ,
kshama is still growing fatter wth me ,
raj now plays wth sagar and chimpu ,

THERE IS ONE THING THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE ..........
WE ALL LOVE U A LOT :-) :-) :-)

*********

We have been having a lot of parties these days...infact, for the last 5 consecutive days, we've had something or the other...here is a picture collage..thanx to 'Picasa' by Google....

busy times....

2005-08-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

after taking two courses within the first 6 weeks of summer and working the remaining hours in the Campus Dining Services and the dorms on campus for the past 10 weeks, i thought i would take a 'vacation' for a week. Vacation meant doing nothing, sitting at home, not moving my bum for anything....exactly as my friend Andrew says..."sitting at home and doing nothing is my favorite past-time!!"..but destiny had decided differently...i gave an interview for a new Graduate Assistant position in the College of Education. ( http://coe.ilstu.edu/ilnbpts ) and it turned out that they liked me ( applause applause...), and which i knew they would...you might call it (over?)confidence....but whatever....i had to start work immediately....and my plans for my very own private personal vacation vanished faster than 'we all' used to vanish off, when, while playing cricket, someone's 'shot' used to break a glass window or a light bulb of some house in the colony....reminds me of my friend Iquebal who often sang...Dil dhoondta hai...phir wahi...fursat ke raat din...

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Lot of new Indians students are coming in and I am picking them up and arranging for their accomodations...yesterday I had 7 ppl in my house...me, my roomie...and 5 new guys....my roomie is cooking good food for them...and I guess I'm not being that bad a host either...the whole point is that, when I came, I lived off 'Haldirams' packets for 1 week...it was BAD, to put it most positively....and I just want to be of good help to these new guys so they dont feel the way I felt during my first week here....history should not repeat itself atleast when I'm leading the war...

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I helped a friend with something which was very important considering the current situation..and I hope it works out....I wish life was not so 'one way or the other' sometimes....why should all the hardwork done be of no use if you miss the result by a wafer-thin margin...why years and years of endurance and perseverance end up in that miserable feeling of 'everything is lost'...after thinking a good bit bout it, all I have come to conclud and believe is that all that hard work atleast makes a good Man out of you....

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Just recalled today morning, one of the best attitude quotes I've ever heard..."Dont walk as if you own the world, walk as if you don't care who does..." Know anyone with such confidence??

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PS:- Creep, ofcourse I got along with you man...sorry for missing the name...there are some people with whom I operate at a different frequency.....you are one of them...

things change....fast

2005-07-30T17:28:00.000-05:00

I often wonder why things have to change at all....I mean the good things atleast :) ... just when you feel everything is going well, something new crops up from somewhere and no points for guessing what happens to your life....CHANGE. Again. One more time. And then it happens again. The difficult part of this whole cycle is the transition. The human mind and body is unbelieveably adaptable, but at the same time, I guess it craves for stability. The cocoon was happy and so is the butterfly...it was the transition that was painful. I remember reading a book last year called 'Who moved my Cheese' , which basically is about 'changing'. The author (can't remember his name) states that you have to keep reminding yourself that things are not going to remain the same forever. You gotta anticipate change. That makes the actual process of change less painful/surprising/agonizing. But it is inevitable. Like all the other things in life that we wish weren't inevitable. Gotta learn to deal with it. It will just take some more time (hopefully).

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In the next 10 days, it will be a year since I've come to the USA. And what a year it has been. Very very rich as far the the no. of experiences I've had. Staying in a different country does teach you a lot of things and maybe even change you a little. I don't know what I would have been doing had I stayed in India. And I dont wanna think about it. :-)

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After the Mumbai rains, as I expected, lot of people wrote about the 'Spirit of Mumbai'. According to them, Mumbai city has the "never say die" attitude. I think its a little different. I think the people of Mumbai have the "I should not die" attitude. They say that Mumbai sprung back to life the very next day and showed that nothing can stop it. I say they (the people of Mumbai) HAD to do it, coz if they wont, then they wont have anything to eat for that day. It is a jungle. It is always every man for himself. And thats the only LAW. Doesn't make a difference whether we like it or not. The truth why every mumbaikar goes back to work is because he can't afford to sit at home and think about the happenings. He has to carry on with his life, because if he doesn't, then rain or no rain, he knows he is not gonna be able to live very long.

And after living in Mumbai for six years, I can surely say, I know what I'm talking about.

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Song of the week: 'Speed of Sound' from the album 'X & Y' by 'Coldplay'.

The God Of Small Things

2005-07-11T14:48:00.000-05:00

Super Sad. Super Brilliant. A few words to describe the book, "The GOD of Small Things", by Arundhati Roy. No wonder it won the Booker Price. Her command over English and her imagination are absolutely amazing. And I can definitely say after reading the book that she has been a sad person. All her life. It is impossible, otherwise, to come up with such a sad story and describe it in such vivid detail. Definitely worth a read, if you can digest a little more than usual description of everything. I wonder what would have happened next in the lives of the two main characters...

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Imagine Dil Chahta Hai. Just change the names of the three characters from Akash, Sid and Sameer to Punit, Piyush and Sachin...not neccessarily in that order. Substitute New York for Goa . Double the fun. And subtract 'Christine' ofcourse! Thats the story of our trip. We made a trip to Niagara Falls and New York City last weekend. 2200 miles round-trip. The Package included getting lost at 1:00 am in an unknown town in New York state with less than 3-5 miles to go before the gas is empty and us having no clue where we are, getting a ticket for speeding at 90 mph in Ohio, seeing a beautiful rainbow while in a boat right underneath Niagara falls, living it up at Times Square in NYC ( Bono is absolutely right, when he calls New York City as the City of Blinding Lights), eating our hearts out at my cousin sisters Indian Restaurant in New Jersey ( Dosa, Pani puri, Sev Puri, Thums up, Falooda, Mango Shake, Pan, and packed up for the drive back to Chicago...) , missing the directions to O'Hare Airport with less than an hour before Sachins's flight departs to Atlanta and getting all this done almost for free...much less than what the cost should have been....you can't actually have a better time than this even if you pay money!!

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Live 8 happened last week. Everybody performed. Everybody watched. But will poverty end? Will Africa be out of debt? Will the purpose of Live 8 be fulfilled? Only the G-8 knows!!!

2005-06-21T18:10:00.000-05:00

where you live should not decide...
whether you live or whether you die...

thats the lyrics of the song "Yahweh"..from U2's new album...and somehow it makes good sense to me...sometimes their lyrics are absolutely weird..i can't make much sense of it...but thats the beauty of it I guess..the lyrics are open to interpretations...customize themselves to your feelings/emotions/situations and feel comfort in them...thats what I do..and i know a lot of others who do the same....to use an analogous technical term..and to prove that i can atleast say a few geeky terms, it can be labelled Platform Independent.. :-)

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I was listening to random songs on www.musicindiaoline.com , and stumbled upon the songs from the movie "Phool aur Kaante" ( Ajay Devgan's debut movie). The music is given by Nadeem-Shravan. Their music is the most typical bollywood kinda music. Typical music. Very typical. Listen to songs from any of their films and you can easily recall the early 90's era and those famous tunes (Aashiqui, Saajan, Sadak, Dewaana etc etc). Anyway, the song was "Dheere Dheere Pyaar ko Badhana Hain.." and I could immediately recall my friend from my old office, Padmaja, who is a big lover of Nadeem-Shravan. I remember her listening to the most mushy/weird Nadeem-Shravan kinda songs and enjoying them whole heartedly. And the bad part was that she used to make me listen to such songs..I mean I like some of their songs..but then some others are totally trash...we had very different music tastes and always used to fight over which song is good and what song is bad... and the fight will always go on...

I miss my old office often. I really got along pretty well with Lennart, Shankar, Nilofar, Sheryl and Padmaja...and four of them are still in the same company. Although the time was very short, only 6 months, those 6 months were pretty good. I will always miss them. Sometimes I wish I was still there, but then I think about the American babes...they needed me too... :-)

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I was working in the dorms as a Front Desk Assistant last saturday.. and it was Illinois Special Olympics weekend last Saturday..Almost 2200 disabled people from the whole of Illinois take part in various athletic events..I had never seen so many disabled people together in my life..

The first thing I said was "Thank GOD". I really felt lucky that I can atleast stand up straight. It's strange how I often keeping cribbing about the smallest of things...something as puny and insignificant as not doing my homework or not being able to hear a song...imagining how these fellas cope up even with their daily routine is inspiring to say the least..I had a couple of guys coming to my desk and showing their medals (which they won in the various events) to me..and taking pride in their acheivement..their liking for life was really amazing...as if everything was perfectly fine...and I felt so stupid about myself and about my attitude about certain things...I know so many ppl who would do nothing but curse their entire life about what happened to them...

It was it was really an uplifting experience...and very very very humbling at the same time. May GOD bless all of them the most.....Yahweh....

Of frying chicken and eating pepperoni

2005-06-04T21:23:00.000-05:00

I have been working in the Campus Dining Services for two weeks now... and the two weeks have been eventful to say the least ( when goris work with you, events are bound to happen..hmmm...). I fried chicken, made ham sandwiches and pepperoni (beef) pizzas. It was the first time that I took raw chicked pieces in my hand and put them in the pan..or picked up pepperoni pieces to sprinkle them over pizza's...never in my life had I imagined that I would be doing this stuff... It's not that they forced me to do it. I was asked whether I had any problems working with raw meat and I ( dont know why) said NO. And I was suprised that I didnt really feel much of the "what in the world am I doing" feeling. Well maybe the fact that I have started eating/tasted...chicken and ham and beef and turkey and fish... came to my rescue...

What I am surprised about is my attitude towards meat. I used to frown and swear at all my friends who ate meat, but now ( within 9 months), I have eaten more variety of meat than most of them ever have/will. And I don't have any more qualms about eating meat. Not even religious reservations. Talk about change!! However, a good thing about this whole meat story is, my mom doesn't know about it..hehe.. :-)

Coincidentally, and Ironically, I am currently listening to "Losing my Religion" by R.E.M...

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Some pics from my bday party...

2005-05-30T20:27:00.000-05:00

Not feeling like writing much..I was listening to songs of RD from the 5 CD collection of RD's best songs that I have( thanks to www.desitorrents.com)... with commentary by people who worked with him..its awesome...as ppl say..RD was 20 years ahead of his time...although he is more credited/criticized for the 'western influence' he brought to the indian music industry...I feel his talent in 'hindustani classical' music was as good or even better...and when Pancham (as RD was addressed by people who knew him and eventually by the world at large) Kishore(da) Kumar and Gulzar saab worked together; the output was sheer magic...here's the lyrics of one of trio's best work...and one of my all time favorites...the way Kishore lifts the song is true nirvana... Another thanx to you, GOD; for getting these three together and making my life so much better.. :-)

Is Mod Se Jaate Hain
Kuch Sust Kadam Raste Kuchh Tez Qadam Raahen
Patthar Ki Haveli Ko Shishe Ke Gharaundon Men
Tinakon Ke Nasheman Tak Is Mod Se Jaate Hain

Aandhi Ki Tarah Udakar Ik Raah Guzarati Hai
Sharamaati Hui Koi Qadamon Se Utarati Hai
In Reshami Raahon Men Ik Raah To Vo Hogi
Tum Tak Jo Pahunchati Hai Is Mod Se Jaati Hai
Is Mod Se Jaate Hain

Ik Dur Se Aati Hai Paas Aake Palatati Hai
Ik Raah Akeli Si Rukati Hai Na Chalati Hai
Ye Sochake Baithi Hun Ik Raah To Vo Hogi
Tum Tak Jo Pahunchati Hai Is Mod Se Jaate Hain

Is Mod Se Jaate Hain
Kuchh Sust Qadam Raste Kuchh Tez Qadam Raahen
Patthar Ki Haveli Ko Shiishe Ke Gharondon Men
Tinakon Ke Nasheman Tak Is Mod Se Jaate Hain
Is Mod Se Jaate Hain

A good break between the semesters..

2005-05-25T23:48:00.000-05:00

I had a good break between the semesters...The whole of last week was fun...I read two books...watched a few movies..and played volleyball twice..with indians, just to make my stand clear :-), before a couple of you start feeling jealous... ate good food and played teen patti over the whole weekend...it sure was fun...:-)

*******
But the break was like the silence before the storm...i have to finish two courses in six weeks...it was the third day today..and already one project is due next tuesday and a test next thursday...already three chapters have been covered in the subject of " Network Security and Crypotography"..its been crazy....and just to make it more fun...I have to work in the Dining Services from 9 am to 1 in the afternoon...keep standing for 4 hours, doing all sorts of things in the kitchen...and then take classes from 4 to 8....i sure am gonna have a lot of fun in the next six weeks..:-(

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Finally, I read "The Da Vinci Code" over the break. I know that almost half the world has already read it, but I just hadn't got a chance...but I'm finally glad that I read it. It might not be the legend of a book as can be inferred from its sales, but the author surely has researched a great great deal about symbology and christianity...it was cool to learn about things like the holy grail, the Knights of Templar etc etc.. The second book I read was "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"..finished it in an hour. But was amazed to see that the book is among the top 10 best sellers of all time...It speaks about a Seagull named Jonathan Livingston, who dares to venture in a different direction from his 'flock'. A good lesson can be learned for your life...

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A friend had called me and my roomies for lunch on saturday...it was good to eat rotis after so many months....thanx to her :-)...we called her and a couple of other friends for lunch at our place..had made pav-bhaji...also watched Andaz Apna Apna..my all time favorite...

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Just got this text as an offline message...some word of wisdom...
"The clock of life is wound. And no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop. At late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still."

24 years on earth!!

2005-05-18T17:54:00.000-05:00

I turned 24 this Saturday. Just the thought that I am possibly already 'done' with more than a quarter of my life frightens me. So many things are left to be done. So many things should have been done by now. All my plans and wishes. It's always scary to think about all that stuff. But thinking about them once in a while is essential I guess. Gets me charged up atleast for a few days :-), before I become a lazy bum again. But there is also a good side to birhtdays. No, I'm not talking about gifts.

It's these calls that I get from some people. Year after year. Without fail. The people who matter to me. More than anything. And it makes me feel secure that I have all the people that I need. Philosophy says that I shouldn't make my life dependent on people. Life is going to be what I make of it. Others should not matter. And, as Shaan sings...

Tanha dil..tanha safar..

I'm trying to be like that. But more often than not, being the mere mortal that I am, I wish those people are always with me. I know things are going to change. People are going to change. But there are just a few things in life that i want to remain stagnant. Like a lake that has been at that very same place for centuries. And is still so good. I wish some things won't change as much and as fast as they do. wishful thinking??

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I got all A's this sem. Yippee!!!!

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A couple of weeks ago we had this barbecue party outside a friends place. Here are some pics.

PS:- I will post my bday pics soon.

Currently Listening to: Piya Bawari by Abhijit Pahonkar
Rating: * * * *

2005-05-11T18:58:00.000-05:00

Waiting irritates me...and that too when you are waiting for a reply that decides whether you earn $700-800 a month, and more importantly, whether you will get a great opportunity to learn and do something at a professional level, the impatience levels soar high... I had an interview in the Institutinal Web Support Services department..I prepared for it over the weekend..PHP, JavaScript and XML...and was expecting an answer by yesterday noon...but didnt get one till six o'clock in the evening. And finally the response was negative:-(

Was expecting it to turn out to be good, coz the no. of applicants were less and more importantly, my interview had been good. Not too many technical questions asked. And I guess I handled them well. Guess the problem was with the skills that I put down on my resume. I hand't put anything 'extra' on my resume, coz I feared the embarassment of not being able to answer about any technology that was on my resume...and I went for the 'anti-Microsoft' camp so to say...Apache web server instead of IIS, php instead of ASP.NET, Dreamweaver instead of Frontpage, Oracle instead of MS SQL, etc..but it turned out that these guys are looking to move everything to the Microsoft platform...well whatever, I missed the bus. So instead of earning 700-800 dollars doing intelligent work for 20 hours a week, I will need to do 40 hours a week of donkey work in the cafeteria or at any of the dorms to earn a lesser amount. They say, you win some....and you lose some...but I believe that it todays world, it's a little different...."Only if you dont lose any...you will probably win one"...

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Have been playing volleyball a good bit these days, with American guys and girls..they usually play well and their height gives them the natural advantage...the good part is that we play in the sand pit, and thus I can dive around freely and be an acrobat..and the best part is that I get with skimpily dressed pretty girls... :-)..though that's really not the reason why I like to play with Americans...really...

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I was (s)elected the Vice President of the Indian Students Association. So it's gonna be some work over the next year. But I'm looking forward to it. Hope I can do something good.

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Something shitty is going on in the company where I used to work, before coming to the US..some people have been arbitarily fired, in the name of an Employee Referral Allowance Racket. And I have been hearing other stories not really worth mentioning becuase of their nature...and why I feel sorry for the guys fired is that they were fired right at the time when they were to be given their yearly bonuses..which can easily be around Rs. 40000-50000. You work your ass off the whole year..and then get fired for something that you didn't do. Well, thats corporate culture, eh?? I really like that company, the owners have a great record and a resume to truly boast about, but over the years, I have started hating businesses where 'morality' recedes below the bottomline and money remains the only prerogative. And although, I know the following words are the ultimate truth, with which people at the upper echleons of corporates/government will totally agree, I hate them : Everybody is expendable

What??? U don't drink??

2005-05-01T17:09:00.000-05:00

A friend threw a b'day party yesterday...i don't remember dancing this hard in the year or two..had a great time...and after all the girls left at around 1:30..we all guys again danced, the way guys dance, till 3 in the night. Then it was time for everyone to speak out about their present/past crushes and brushes:-)...was fun to hear everyone's stories...how some tried there level best, how some didn't have to try at all..and how some could never express themselves or dared to give it a try....all the confusions and confessions...

I almost instantly recalled my days, of sitting at a dhaba with my friends and talking, for the umpteenth time about a girl who never looked at any one of us :-)...all of us might be considered losers in that sense, but none of us ever had the desire to just have an affair or "ladki ghumaneka" so to speak...for all of us, it had to be/will be a once and for all story..i never remember hearing the flip side from any of my best friends..and same was the case with me. Yesterday, when it was my turn to speak, and I told ppl that the one girl, if there ever is one, that I go out with, would end up being my wife, I was branded/labelled/called Devdas/liar/lifeless. Not that it badly hurt me or something, but I really haven't learnt or want to learn how to live the way they want to live their life....

When I said that I don't drink, I was told that I shouldn't be shy. This pisses me off. One of the goals in my life is not be to shy of any of my actions. Such allegations aren't new though; it has happened before. Back in Louisiana when all my friends were drinking, a few girls came, and not seeing a beer can in my hand, actually told me that "it's OK if you drink in front of us...it won't give us a bad impression of you!!" Yeah, like all i want to do/have left to do in life is to impress you....I don't know whats wrong with people...if you are good..its said that you are pretending...and if you are bad...well, thats the standard anway...

Ever heard the old quote: "Neki kar, dariya mein dal..."

To Cut Or Not to cut

2005-04-29T16:47:00.000-05:00

After thinking for some time now about whether to cut my hair and how much should I cut if I really decide to cut, I finally had a hair cut this tuesday. Thats after 8 months and 11 days. Can't recall the exact hours though :-). Some friends were for my long hair, saying since you are a 'rock' fan ( which i'm seriously not. I'm more into alternative types, according to my roomie who has good knowledge of all these genres of music), you hair should justify it. While the other clan said that I was in a state of deplorable mess. My cousin Vivek in Mumbai actually took printouts of my pictures, which i shared on yahoo photos, to show it to all our relatives who would come for his marriage celebrations in a couple of days. He said that I was looking ( well to say the truth, that my hair was) like Aamir Khan in the movie "The Rising". Whether it was meant to be a compliment, only he knows. But he did add that u've become a punk after going to America and 'tu badal gaya re'. I guess I would never be able to grow my hair that long now...but my hair wasn't growing straight as it should be, if it is long. It was getting too curly, and i was bored of getting it of my ears like girls do all the time. And i didn't have money to get some cool hairstyle. Now I understand why girls fret about their hair all their life....I have first hand experience...

Another peculiar reaction that u get from ppl when u have a haircut after a long time is that strange look and the most stupid question: "Did you have a haircut?" I really wanted to say: "No dude.. My hair just decided to shed off last night!!" or "it got entangled in the hair dryer and so I had to cut it!!". I mean come on...can't u see that I've had a haircut. I am tired of acutally answering that yes, I've had a haircut; I didn't lose them in some natural disaster.

Boy, I never knew that my hair was drawing so much attention. And usually when something catches the public eye, it is prone to negative criticism. Well, whatever.....as of now, I miss my curls...

nothing better to do...

2005-04-26T00:49:00.000-05:00

Some pictures that we took a couple of weeks ago...this is the chemistry lab..and as per my observation, it has better computers than the IT department. The other two guys are my roomies.. I will post a few pics of my old roomies soon...I miss those guys back in Louisiana..I undoubtedly used to have more fun there..our frequencies matched better...not that I'm having a terrible time here...but being a human being, i'm bound to compare..

This one on the right was clicked in our drawing room...notice the two posters in the background..my roomie is a big "classic rock" fan..hence the poster of "The Who"..who are supposed to be the ones who started 'it' all in more than one way..and about whom i never knew till a couple of months ago...and the U2 poster is mine..my friend Sachin bought it for me..he was supposed to send them to India, but before he came to India, I was transported to America by fate...probably GOD wanted to save his $15 of postage...

2005-04-22T11:37:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder....

This has been the story more often than not in the last few days...working in the 9 to 5 schedule has become a rarity..the day typically starts around 11:00 when i reach my department office..then checking emails..that takes atleast 1/2 an hour..then do some nonsense..and its 1 before you realize....then its time to go home and eat....then come back and do 'some' work...which is usually irrelevant..and then it's classes in the evening...and after that again some time for relaxation...i miss the days of working at eclerx..and that 9 to 6 schedule....but i also know that i am gonna miss this 'flexible' schedule...or 'no schedule' life to speak frankly....once i graduate and get another job....

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I have to do a presentation on DNS (Domain Name Service) next wednesday..gotta start preparing for it..hope it goes fine..coz a good bit of my grade depends on it...

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Is google really much much better than any other search engine??? I searched for my blog on both google and yahoo and it turns out that google hasn't crawled my blog yet while yahoo has done it. I must admit that I hadn't search on yahoo for atleast a couple of years, but I just read a report of search engine market share..and it turns out that google has 37% of the search market while yahoo has 32%..now that's not too much of a difference...

also we should'nt forget that google was somewhat of a post dot com bust company...after a lot of disasters, even the slightest of hope feels wonderful...sometimes i think that same is the case with google..there is no denying the fact that google is great and has redefined tech history in some ways..but a little exploration and applying a tangential perspective will possibly give a different reason for google being the super success that it is...In our case study, we finally decided to put money on yahoo as far as stability is concerned...google might be the best stock for speculators..but considering the fact that 98% of google's revenue only comes from Google Adsense, which is search dependent, the question arises that will google we out the day a better search algorithm is invented???? Whats your opinion??

Spring Fest 2005

2005-04-18T23:21:00.000-05:00

Last saturday my university had the Spring Fest. Right from live bands playing all day to rock climbing to 'lambada' dancing with latin girls..i specially loved this part :-)..to taking pictures with burmese pythons ( i held one in my hand for a couple of seconds...too bad i didn't have a camera), everything was in store...and FREE. Boy, we had fun. I wish there was a festival like this every weekend...atleast in the Spring season.

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We played soccer with American guys....its a rarity..American girls soccer team are the world champs..but guy's team is virtually non-existent. I really find the US a strange place as far as sports are concerned... the topmost two games here are American Football and Baseball..which no other country in the world plays. And, as the typical american glorification thats so common, the top team in the country are called "World Champions". Yeah..like 67 countries participated in the qualifiers...My dear Americans, 80% of the world doesnt even know what your football is..

*******
Had an argument with my roomie about maintaining cleanliness. I love cleanliness, but if someone acts to be as big a cleanliness freak as Monica ( of FRIENDS), then it's sure going to make everyone else in the house crazy. And then you get to hear that he is the only one who is concerned and the others in the house are not making any efforts.....that after picking up a 100 times, his soda cans and coffee mugs and pickle bottles littered all over the house ....and not telling him a word with the hope that he will notice someday and try to improve....it totally pissed me off...was somehow able to avoid a serious argument...moderation is the key to everything...i hope someone explains him that...

******

Currently listening to: My stomach making all kinds of noises for some food ;-)

When something can go wrong, it will.

2005-04-15T22:42:00.000-05:00

Why is Murphy's law so true?? Newton's law(s) of gravitation and motion might fail when we consider 'true' space and time..but Murphy's law...as famous hindi film villian Ajit would say.. NO. NEVER.The alarm rings correctly everyday when i don't want it to ring..but the day i had my exams, it didnt. Does it happen only to me or are you guys are victims too? Well the exam was fine..i was happy..until Murphy decided to come again. I realized that I didnt see the last page of the question paper which had a question. And Bingo, I lose 10 points for the easiest question. As an afterthought: My DBMS prof who was conducting the exam, has a big chart of 30 Murphy's laws. Now I see where his inspiration comes from :-)

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The Indian Sstudents Association is doing a skit as part of the 'India Nite' and I'm in it...forced in it, actually. We are short of participants..hehe..(and I'm a committee member). I'm not really bad I guess..just shy..well whatever. It's coming up next Sunday. Will have to practice the whole of next week.

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My friend won the Outstanding Graduate Student award. Even I want to win one. But I'm not really working for it. Exams till now have been good. But I have a year more to go. He maintained a GPA of 4.0. Now thats something. And full credit to his hard work. He is damn motivated. Well, I get motivated too. It's just that my motivation lasts only till my exams get over. But I gotta win some award. I need something to put on my otherwise non-existent resume

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A friend of mine is badly in need of a job. I wrote a big inspirational email to him. Telling him not to quit and that his day will come and that 'always pain before a child is born' as Bono sings. I wonder why we can't implement atleast some of the knowledge and understanding that we already have to change our own lives. Or is it only me who cannot implement it.

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MusicMaster says:
3 random Indipop songs that you should listen to:
1) Tere Ishq mein from the album Ishqua Ishqua by Gulzar
2) Lucky Ali: Kabhi aisa lagta hain
3) Any song of Daler Mehndi. All are the same :-)

In the name of love...

2005-04-12T00:16:00.000-05:00

Before you start speculating...NO...i m not in love..."In the name of love" is the name of the U2 song that I really really love...probably among their best 5 songs ever....was listening to it right now and thought i should post it...

The song is dedicated to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. ( Bono, U2's lead singer, seems to be inspired by him in more than one ways). It has this catchy beat and ruthless energy that gets you on your toes in a minute. The guitar strumming is fabulous..and so is the voice...But it is the lyrics of the song that really hits me ( like most other U2 songs)..especially the last line when he says.. 'free at last..they took your life....but they could not take your pride'....this one line really tells us a lot about how life should be lived..and how no one take away the real essence of a man...the character...the values...the faith..the belief

the song also has a reference to Jesus..when he sings 'one man betrayed with a kiss'...

Here are the lyrics...

One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One man come he to justify
One man to overthrow

In the name of love!
What more in the name of love?
In the name of love!
What more? In the name of love!

One man caught on a barbed wire fence
One man he resist
One man washed on an empty beach
One man betrayed with a kiss

In the name of love!
What more in the name of love?
In the name of love!What more?
In the name of love!...
nobody like you...there's nobody like you...Mmm...mmm...mmm...

Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride

In the name of love!....

not in a mood to study

2005-04-09T15:33:00.000-05:00

After studying quite well on thursday night....the whole of yesterday was a total waste. Reading a 25 page paper of Digital Rights Management just doesnt feel 'exciting'. And that too when the paper is flooded with technical, management and law jargons and philosophy. Technical is good as it helps me in gaining knowledge...but the combination of all the three seems a bit too much....anyway..i gotta spend the whole of today doing just that..have to atleast finish reading 4 papers and write summaries...GOD help me..

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My roomie has been making fun of my writing a blog for the past few days...well whatever...i've already told him to LMA....i dont really care if no one reads my blog...it's just supposed to be some tp for me; a half hour break from the regular world and to reflect what's going on in my life.

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Just clicked a few pictures yesterday using my roomie's olympus digicam....this one is clicked in my room....more pics in the pipeline....we went to the quad a little late though..all the babes had already gone...will have to go in the afternoon one day to capture an American University in all its glory. Most of my friends don't wanna see my pic anyway...they want to see America..not me ;-)

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Line of the week: Women should not have children after 35. Really, 35 are enough.

Me in my room. The table is a little messed up..

2005-04-07T22:31:00.000-05:00

After writing a long post, when I clicked submit, a page not found error appeared. and when I came back to the page, the post was gone!! I hate that...

So, to summarize:

Lots of work. Two exams. One business plan to submit. To write "Analytical and Evaluative and not Technical" ( to use the exact words of my advisor) answers to 5 questions on various facets of Digital Rights Management (my Graduate Assistant work). Gotta work the whole night tommorow. Work to do on the Indian Students Association website. ( I became the webmaster of the website a couple of days ago). Want to attend the Graduate Students Assocication meeting for the first time tommorow. (Want to become a member) . Have to crack a software that I am not able to do after numerous attempts ( so has become a challenge now...won't get good sleep until I do it)

Currently listening to: Bootleg of "Miracle Drug" by U2 live at Anaheim, CA, USA on 02 Apr 05.

*Awesome*

Mahendra Singh Dhoni in a Cola Ad

2005-04-06T12:25:00.000-05:00

After hitting the brilliant and super aggressive 148 against Pakistan in the Second One day International, Mahendra Singh Dhoni...India's 'future' answer to 'His Majesty' Adam Gilchrist ( well I may have dreamt a bit too much) , is not too far from appearing in a Cola commercial. nothing is official yet, but it's just my foresight :-) . Well, thats the trend for the past 10 years now I guess. Hit a century or take a 5 wicket haul and the cola guys come knocking at your doorstep the very next day. Let's wait and see whether it's Coke or Pepsi that finds Mr. Dhoni's residence address first.

Hint: It's somewhere in Ranchi, Bihar.

Another Hint: If you dont know where Bihar is, ask any Pani-puri wala/Bhel wala/Doodh wala/Chana wala/Pav Bhaji wala bhaiya in any corner of Mumbai. :-)

and another weekend is over

2005-04-06T00:05:00.000-05:00

Why does it happen that somedays you have too much work to do and nothing gets done. And somedays, when u havent planned anything, many a things get done wihtout any hassle. This has been happening with me more often than not now...so i am going to stop planning altogether very soon...the final solution ;-)

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Downloaded some good stuff over the weekend...Latest album of Strings (Dhanni), Rabbi Shergil's album (pretty good) and the album of an Indian fusion band called 'Om'. Om can be precisely described as a bunch of guys whose experiment turned successful. Genuine effort. And it has paid back. The lead singer has a good voice and the background vocals are pretty good too. Also downloaded a video detailing Sachin Tendulkar's legacy....this is a must have item...a collectors edition. Glad that I got my hands on it. Currently downloading lucky Ali's latest album...I hope it's great...i like lucky ali..he's capable of producing some real great stuff....hope this album is as good as the previous ones...

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Have 'committed' something to a friend which I should'nt have. He's gonna be kinda upset when I deny the favor tommorow...but can't help it. Was going out of my way to help him, coz I usually can't say no to people easily. But will have to say a 'NO' this time. Coming to think of it, Ayn Rand's quote :-"His rational self-interest is the highest moral obligation of any human being" seems very true sometimes. That's exactly what 'animal instinct' is. But I'll write about that some other time...

May the Pope R.I.P

2005-04-02T18:41:00.000-06:00

It's difficult being a GOD man..very difficult... overcoming the day to day desires and life...thinking bout the greater good...and being the leader of 1.1 billion people who look up to you. My knowledge about christianity and Pope is very limited, but from what I read from various sources, I guess he did a good job. Hope is successor is even better.

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The spring break is not yet over for me. Haven't touched the books, and haven't even done my work. Do they have a pill which just makes you jump up to your table and makes you work? If yes, plz tell me the name.

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I made good 'Dal Fry' today..that's one thing I've been making well off lately..I've invented my own secret recipe for it. Patent is pending :-)

2005-03-31T23:58:00.000-06:00

From Left to Right: Murtaza "topi" Azad, Hemant "marathi" Bhanarkar , Sachin "chammadu" Lad , Alok "manan" Raoka, and myself i.e. Punit "chaman" Vora

Was thinking of the old days today...and this is one of the best pictures that instantly revives my old days ...me, my friends and telangkhedi lake...which is Nagpur's beach, river, lake and pond...nothing compares to it.....this was clicked around 5 years ago i guess...but it feels like yesterday...ofcourse all of us have changed a lot in the sense that all of us are now working and have a "degree"...Murtaza is now engaged, Hemant is a doctor, Alok is in Infosys, and Sachin and Myself doing our Masters in Computer Science in the US...and don't know where life is going to take us...but I would pay anything to get these days back in my life....

am thankful to GOD for giving me the best of friends and the best of life...

Beauty Peagents and world peace

2005-03-30T21:47:00.000-06:00

Just read yesterday that a Pune girl was crowned Miss India 2005. And that reminded me of the biblical relation between beauty peagents and world peace :-) If we take the history of beauty peagents (of all forms and varieties), 90% of the winners must have answered at some point of the contest that they want to do something for world peace. If your answer never had a hint of world peace, you never had a chance of winning, honey.

Thinking of world peace is not bad at all. Good thoughts make a good person. And neither do I say that those girls are bad human beings. But has someone ever done a study to see how many of them actually work for 'peace' even at their country level.

So, please don't say that you are thinking of working for peace and then end up showing your bare backs or doing "item numbers" in a sleazy B grade Bollywood film. That's not world peace. Neither is going to an orphan house once and getting those pictures published in 100 different magazines. And if you can't understand that, then for God's sake take back the words that you were going to work for world peace. It's an insult, to the world and to peace.

I hate it when they publicize these peagents as girls who posses both the 'body' and the 'grey cells.' Yeah, we all watch these beauty peagents to see how intelligent these girls are, don't we?. And scientific research has shown that a female mind starts working much faster and the intelligence shows of much better, if they are wearing a bikini :-)

I don't mind watching a beauty peagent. We men are more than happy. The girls are beautiful and they deserve all the ogling/appreciation (whatever u like to call it). But the girls can easily say that they want to go to Bollywood, when they are asked about their wish. Perfectly acceptable. It's a proffesion where you earn well and get noticed. Who wants anything more?

But girls, I don't want to hear the words "World Peace" from your mouths ever again.

winter is almost over

2005-03-29T21:32:00.000-06:00

Its Spring time...but I am not really happy coz it's spring time...I dont even know how Spring is coz this is my first Spring season in the US. The real reason for my happiness is that winter is almost over :-) . This was my first winter in the US. And I had a good taste of it. And in Illinois, the place of my university, the 'lake effect' adds salt to the wounds. Chilly winds originating from the Great Lakes and coming south make the hands numb in seconds. And the gloves don't help either after a certain extent. Standing for two minutes in the open is enough to foster a fierce hatred for winter. The roads become slippery. The heating bill was $100 a month on an average!! And the worst of all is 'static' current which you get when you touch a metal..I hate it. It really creeps you out. You are unaware and then as soon as you touch something metallic or even some other person sometimes...u get that small current..i've even seen a small spark sometimes when i touch the door knob....and it freaks me out. Well, all that is going to be over in two weeks...so it's time to rejoice...

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My exam of 'Oracle' is going to be a take home exam. I wonder what would be the case if we had a take home exam in India as well...any comments??

I don't understand...

2005-03-28T21:45:00.000-06:00

I don't understand the world. No matter how hard I've tried, I just don't seem to get it. I visited www.sourceforge.net ( for those of you who dont know, it's the topmost website for open source projects..more than 90,000 listed projects) and I saw a 'banner ad' of Microsoft on the main page. Now wait a minute, was it Microsoft? Yes indeed..it was.

Why the largest 'open source' resources website in the world even had an advertisement of Microsoft, leave alone the fact that it was on the front page, eludes me. All the open source guys have been spewing venom on Microsoft since the day of inception of Windows. Then why do you advertise it? And why Microsoft chose sourceforge to advertise is what further amazes/confuses me. They were advertising Visual Studio.NET. Agreed that sourceforge is visited by geeks and people 'might' use Visual Studio to develop open source projects, but geeks already know what technology to use to develop there software. And do you think they are going to use a registered/purchased Visual Studio.NET?? I doubut so.

And btw, aren't these geeks 'supposedly' Microsoft haters in the first place. Yes, Very much so. Then why in the world put/ allow putting Microsofts advertisement on your favorite website. Well, as I said, I don't understand the world..let's just leave it to Microsft in Redmond and the geeks in their basements and garages and let them figure it out for themselves.

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A good friend gave me a call yesterday. From India. Really didn't expect that call. Feels good if you get such calls more often. And also feels good to know that the communication channel is 'duplex'.. atleast sometimes. It's not always myself whose sending emails and asking people how r they doin?

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'Discovered' another A R RAhman song. I use the word 'discovered' coz I have heard most of his songs from most of his films. Wonder how I missed this one. It is from the film "Meenaxi: A tale of 3 cities"...it's the same film that has the stupendous song "Chinnamma Chilakkamma". One of the best percussions I have ever heard. Ditto with this song titled "Dhuan Dhuan". Sivamani at his best. Need I say more? Don't miss it.

First Post

2005-03-26T19:25:00.000-06:00

Finally.....

After 'toggling' quite a bit between a YES and a NO about whether to write a blog, the answer was ultimately in the affirmative. This is going to be the space where I will write about my dissertation on the "Reciprocations of the newly discovered Intergalactic Quasar Radiations on Einstien's Theory of Relativity." Interesting, right?

Waittt.., dont click the back button of your browser..you haven't come to the wrong place...

I know I would never understand what the hell in the world the above topic means..and never will you.. :-) So just chill..i m just like you..

I plan to write about everything I possibly can..

About my blogger ID (yeah I know it sounds cool) , the credit goes to the Bryan Adams song "I'm a Liar" from the Album "On a Day like Today", where he says..

Baby i'm a liar..a victim of desire..
I was over my head..forget what I said..

Neway, gotta get back to work. There are no 'weekends' for a grad student..well OK..I'll correct myself..a grad student who doesnt do his work on the weekdays...

later..