The four options

The four schools of thought for living your life:

1) Mein zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya...
har fikr ko dhuen mein udata chal gaya..
--Sahir Ludhianvi, famous Indian Lyricist

2) "His rational self interest is the highest moral obligation of any human being."
--Ayn Rand, famous American author of books "The Fountainhead" and "Atlas Shrugged".

3) kisi ki muskurahaton par ho nisar..
kisi ka dard mil sake to le udhar...
kisi ke waste ho tere dil mein pyar..
jeena isi ka naam hain....

--Shailendra, another famous Indian Lyricist

4) Karmanye Va Adhikaraste, Ma Phaleshu Kadachana
-- the most famous of them all, almighty Lord Krishna..

Time and again, i think about how I am/I should/ I will live my life...and the above four 'options' is what I am presented with...as of today, I think I am leaning more towards no. 3...I dont know why but there definetely is some unexplained happiness in making someone else happy...sometimes at your own expense...may be that feeling springs up from deep down inside coz somebody didnt make you happy at some point of time...I really dont know..but I can't see somebody very sad..not that I can do much about it. But Still. However, it also makes me more sad when others dont follow this principle and are so amazingly 'self-centered'. Makes me rethink my decision...

Then again, sometimes I feel I should live like Ayn Rand made 'Howard Roark' live in 'The Fountainhead', but too many things prevent it from happening: obligations, commitments, happiness dervied from others, love and the fear of pain...or may be I just dont want to live like Roark and thus these reasons. As Rand says, "Contradictions do not exist. Weigh your premises and you will find a final answer." Guess I will never be able to correctly weigh my contradictions...

As for no. 1, it either takes a Saint or a lunatic loner to live life like Sahir suggested. And I am neither. On second thoughts atleast not the former.. ;-)

And forgetful Lord Krishna did not remember that he himself had endowed all primates of the human species with an emotion called 'worry' before he advised Arjun to keep working and never think about the results. Sadly enuf, I do worry about results of actions; both mine and others' actions...

None of the above seem to be working for me..and then I recall what Javed Akthar said in Swades:

Jeevan mein preet hain..
hothon par geet hain...
bas yahi jeet hain..
sunle rahi...

so do I say and so do I feel. And it strikes me that I probably have found my way..

I really am living...and winning.

Ready to Rumble

There'll be bad times, surely will they cause frustration..
everything will seem unresaonable,baseless..without any foundation...
your 'once upon a time' happy mind will try to escape..
wierdest of thoughts would merrily take shape...

you should give up on everything..just run away..
your heart will say..
who has cared for you anyway...

confused mind will yell..
why dont you become a loner, a non compliant..
you are already a psycho, become totally defiant...

may be you should start taking drugs..
the Satan gestating in you will suggest..
you should begin to drink..
extinction isn't far, you are already on the brink...

your heart will swear..nobody should you ever console..
everybody should go to hell, why should you care about a soul...
misery and pathos will go hand in hand..
your mind would become their fertile land...

to yourserlf you will say...
there's no point in being an achiever..
I should stop being a believer...
no one can understand my plight..
to prove what and to whom, should I now put up this fight...
I will get away from this world's cruel ways..
Survival will be possible on the memory of my good old days...

at one time or the other..
thoughts like these will surface, my brother...
facing the darkest cloud of miseries unknown..
you'll struggle, to once again be your own...
your heart and mind will be in a strife..
while the 'opponents queen' creates havoc in this chess called life...

but if you will still be good..
if you'll wish joy and spread happiness like you always could...
if all these negative thoughts, your mind will crumble..
if you'll never stumble, if your character remains humble...
then, you are prepared for this jungle called life, My Son..
you are a Man now, you are ready to rumble!!

Good Bye...

A nice thought
my wishful mind sprouts up..
dry lips make way for a smile
my wary eyes light up...

things are going to be better
i tell my heart..
all your wishes
you wont have to thwart...

a day will come
when i'll willingly yawn..
there will be no leaving for work
before the break of the dawn...

a little more time i'll have
to spend with my loved one..
just a little more money for food
my kids will eat more than a bun...

my wife's smile, atleast once
will true joy, reveal..
all her sadness and vulnerability
she wont need to conceal...

the day will come
when helplessness will not scream..
there will be no more sleepless nights
this nightmare will become a sweet dream...

there will be no pain
i won't remember the word called 'sorrow'..
and i will look forward to
the advent of tommorow...

all committments will be met
no more will I be in debt..
and for not fulfilling my dying parents wishes
i wont have to regret...

I am already old
have been through tragedies untold..
Now most of my skin has wrinkled
and every hope has crumbled...

I ask HIM this one question..
"from this, will I ever be free?"..
He just says "Everything has a reson, my Son
One day you will agree..."

So I wait for that day and time
when there will be happiness sublime..
and dream that long before the day I die
I would have wished all sadness "Good Bye"....

NO EXPLANATIONS...

I demand an explanation...
"I dont want to give any justifications"

but whats goin on in your mind..
"oh you've been so unkind"

but i never meant to cause any hurt...
"now your actions you cant revert"

listen to me, you have to trust...
"all I feel for you is disgust"

behind that craziness was nothing else but obssesion..
"you've caused me so much depression"

but i was only a kid, i never realized what i did..
"you've lost your only chance to bid"

oh plz...i am not lying, you have to believe...
"its this relationship that i want to releive.."

let's tear all those differencs apart..
we can be great together, lets make a new start...

"pack your bags and leave, i never will care..
just dont cause me any more despair.."

to err is human, can't you forgive...
without you, you know i wont be able to live...

beautiful pictures, ohh so many, my mind had created..
but all she said was "Not Interested"....

and then she left, not saying another word..
that was the last time, from her, that i ever heard...

i was high on the dope of hope...
little did i know that there was no scope...
my throat parched
mind my had blurred
how can this be happening,
this could not have occured...

all those sleepless nights,
those dreams, thoughts of "should I give it a try"..
all that she left me with
was the choice to cry...

But I am too strong..
I knew my conscience wasn't wrong...
there was no reason for me to repent..
some things, for me, were never meant..

And now my ship's mast is high.. I'm sailing back again..
Conditioned and institutionalized, I never feel any more pain...
And though i don't know the direction to the shore..
goodness and truth will one day, help me find what I'm looking for...